Almost

The sanctuary is still there. I know, because I have been there. But I don't know why they said it didn't exist any more. It wasn't true. Maybe it was just another funny joke by those linden guys. I have never seen them, these lindens, and neither has anyone I've been speaking to. But everyone seems to know about them. They make rules and delete and mess with the world. Sometimes I think it sounds quite similar to what avatars say about humans. It has a ring of myth. I won't be very surprised the day when someone claims the lindens are humans.

Mia wants to say a word, too.

"dear diary,

or, rather, dear serval, i'm going away for some time. for a month. to me, it's quite a long time, and i won't bring you to the sanctuary rock during this time, or to any other place in second life either. i'm sorry. but i don't think you will notice, really. i think you will fall asleep, and then start waking up the next moment, without knowing if you've been sleeping for a minute, a day or a lifetime. but now you'll know what has happened, should the other incarnations say you've been gone for a long time.

i have to go. i'm sorry about this. but i'll miss you.

mia"

What's going on? Has Mia been driving drunk and killing hens again? What if she doesn't come back at all, and doesn't take me to... Oh, shit. I almost believe it. That she can. That she does. That she is.

Mia

Today was a punk event night at the sanctuary. The music was fast and loud, and it was fun. But suddenly we had to get away from there, and fast, because they were 'shutting down the region'. I was terrified! I knew right on that's exactly what they do to discontinue avatars! I got out of there in no time at all.

And afterwards, it wasn't possible to go back there at all. I wanted to, but there was nothing but this sign saying that the sanctuary didn't exist... I'm really worried now. I'm thinking of all the avatars who live there, who I see every time I come to dance. I think the linden guys may have deleted them. M3. Ozark. All of them. Discontinued.

That brings me to Mia, now that I'm talking about being worried. I can't feel all happy when thinking of her. But I don't know what it is. The things I feel... I just don't know them. I don't know what they are. I think that something has happened to her, something that isn't good. And that makes me feel not good.

In some way, it's sometimes as if Mia, or rather what has happened to her, is affecting my life. I do things, and don't do others, because of her. I feel it's because of her, even though I don't know why. It's like we are the same. Just in different places.

Oh no, I'm not getting religious here. I just feel things. Maybe we are like sisters. Belonging. I searched for a Mia with the same second name as I have, but didn't find her. So I wonder if she has some other name that is her real name. I mean, I gave her the name Mia, after all. Maybe she calls herself something else. Maybe Hans. Or Electra. Or Suzy. Maybe her name is Serval, too.

I don't think I could ever discontinue her, like I once said I would. I don't think I can, whether I want to or not. I don't think it's possible to do such a thing. Especially not after those horrible events at the sanctuary today.

Strange

I got myself some new gums today, but I don't really know... if I'm flattered. At all. I am beginning to see a pattern. They give me gums for strange events only. Like the Grinch event. And now the alien event, when I was looking like something pulled straight out of a black hole, and for sure going back there again the moment they've had a look at me. I never win bubblegum for being pretty events.

Left

"dear diary,

i was about to give little serval the scolding of her life, for shoving her bum right up everyone's face in her diary. for not caring about anything.

then i watched her going to the sanctuary, to dance and enjoy the dressing event as usual, i suppose. but when she found out the event was 'tie me up', all about handcuffs, ropes and tape, she sort of froze. and then she left.

i've said she's growing up. developing. is she becoming me?

mia"

Rep

Whoo, I went to the Sanctuary Rock to dance, and there was this botox rep who really liked me!

Hot

"dear diary,

i have been watching serval now for a while, without intervening. without trying to stop her when about to do foolish things. without preventing her from taking part in whacky events and dancing in her undies. i have just kept watching.

i think she's growing up. ok, she has her odd preferences as to style, friends, conversation and so forth. but i think she has started thinking ahead. thinking about tomorrow. and about what other incarnations may say to her, and about her, tomorrow. she is developing self-consciousness. and therefore, she is also developing some kind of serval ethics or serval morals. she has created an ideal of how to look and behave.

another thing i noticed is guys on the dance floor. serval goes dancing a lot. that is, basically, what she does. once in a while she has a break to go shopping, spending all she has in one brief go, but then she heads straigh back for the dancing. and in those places she goes dancing, there are also guy incarnations haunting the dance floors.

for one reason or another they address serval now and them. i'm speaking of strangers here. she also has friends and incarnations she knows. but complete strangers sometimes speak to her. a very common opening line is something similar to:

'hi, u look hot'

the more undressed the event (and, thus, the more undressed the serval), the more frequently is she addressed by male incarnations. ok, i know about guys irl, they open with a compliment and hope you're an easy lay. fair enough. but in sl, where it costs just a few dollars and a click on the appearance button to get a beay style and huge boobs... and where the most outlet for hormones you can get is undressing pixels and running scripts... come on. did it ever work in sl? hi, u look hot?

what's wrong with turn-ons such as: 'hi, who are you'?

mia"

Back

Mia seems to be is back, speaking in my diary again. I don't get how she's doing it. It's a bit spooky. Well, she's there anyhow. Then fill the Linden counter for me, Mia! Please. I can't buy anything right now! It's really annoying.

Almost as annoying as the blackouts. I thought they were going to disappear, because the Linden guys updated themselves and realized there were blackouts, and should take them away. But it hasn't happened yet. Only the blackouts have happened. Usually when there is something fun or important going on. They are not the usual kind of blackouts, when there is a slow sensation of something coming upp, and then the muffled sounds. No, these are like triceratops avatars kicking your head. That's a lot more scary than Mia reappearing.

Sorry

"dear diary

it's been nice letting little serval loose for a while. i can't really say i 'unleashed' her, because it hasn't been that bad. a bit of a shopping spree, a fashion week, and that's it. she won some money of her own, too, at the sanctuary rock. ok, not much compared to all she has spent on those event outfits. but she still hasn't learnt to count, so i can't really blame her.

i enjoyed watching what she was up to. i guess it was a way to escape whatever mood or taste christmas saved for leftovers. it's nice to get together with cat and minnie and arwen. and mum, too, in a way. what happens to her after some toddies is predictable, though. sadly. i don't like seeing her when she's been drinking. it was a big party this christmas, lots of relatives were visiting, cousins and kids and everything. i still didn't manage to keep out of her way. she cornered me and was drunk and cried and blamed herself for those things that happened. like she always does.

i've told her so many times that i have moved on by now. but she just can't let go. she keeps digging the trash up, after a few drinks, rubbing it in my face. she hurts me every time she wants to say sorry.

she needs a night to sober up. or a night and a day if it's been a really good party. i need a thousand and yet another thousand nights, not to sober up but to heal. i don't need her poking the wounds and twitching the stiches.

she was never even to blame in the first place.

mia"

Gum

It's raining bubblegum!
Blue is my favourite flavour.
Although this event was brown.

Emo

I don't really know if it's so very emo, but it won me the emo event tonight. I won a lot of Lindens, and bought myself enough bubblegum to last me for a long, long time. Someone suggested I could need that. Bubblegum. So I got it. And now?

Years

And now they say it's a happy new year. They say it's year number two thousand and eight. I don't know how much that is. It dosen't matter much, because I still don't know what a year is. I'm glad it's going to be happy, though. I prefer that to unhappy, sad or just plain bad.