Sorry

"dear diary

it's been nice letting little serval loose for a while. i can't really say i 'unleashed' her, because it hasn't been that bad. a bit of a shopping spree, a fashion week, and that's it. she won some money of her own, too, at the sanctuary rock. ok, not much compared to all she has spent on those event outfits. but she still hasn't learnt to count, so i can't really blame her.

i enjoyed watching what she was up to. i guess it was a way to escape whatever mood or taste christmas saved for leftovers. it's nice to get together with cat and minnie and arwen. and mum, too, in a way. what happens to her after some toddies is predictable, though. sadly. i don't like seeing her when she's been drinking. it was a big party this christmas, lots of relatives were visiting, cousins and kids and everything. i still didn't manage to keep out of her way. she cornered me and was drunk and cried and blamed herself for those things that happened. like she always does.

i've told her so many times that i have moved on by now. but she just can't let go. she keeps digging the trash up, after a few drinks, rubbing it in my face. she hurts me every time she wants to say sorry.

she needs a night to sober up. or a night and a day if it's been a really good party. i need a thousand and yet another thousand nights, not to sober up but to heal. i don't need her poking the wounds and twitching the stiches.

she was never even to blame in the first place.

mia"