Feeling

I'm not quite happy about Mia staying away. She doesn't speak in my diary, and I've left her messages she doesn't answer.

The guy I met in the sanctuary the other day said exactly that thing Mia was talking about, about beeing away a long time. Welcome back, he said. Ok, I hadn't noticed. So I had a good long sleep, so what. But really, I think maybe Mia is the one who has gone somewhere, and she's not back yet. It's ok, I can manage on my own. But I'm a bit worried about her.

Some time before she left, she started saying things in the diary, but never finished, erasing it instead. She did that a couple of times. And there was something strange. Something wrong.

Ok, hold on, because what follows is difficult for me... I have many times, and from deep in my heart, denied even the slightest possibility that there are humans who control us avatars. I don't believe that, I still don't. But I am beginning to accept that there are humans. For the hell of it, I once created one, called Mia, and she has been around ever since. So she obviously does exist. Now she does. I can't deny that. And what's more, I can't control her. She seems to control herself. I brought her to life, but now she's clearly doing things as she pleases. And what's more... and this is the hard part... she seems to do things to me. She doesn't control me, no, no, no, no, no. But she's... influencing me. I can feel her. Simple as that. I feel her. And for some reason, those feeling go straight into my heart, and I just want to be like her. So... I become like her.

But now I can feel nothing. Before, I felt Mia not being very happy. I also felt something else, something I didn't recognize at all. Some kind of rush, turmoil, obsession or whatever. I have never felt like that myself, and I can't understand what it was. But now there is nothing. No feelings. As if Mia isn't there. So she must be away somewhere, mustn't she?