Excluded

To be absolutely honest, it doesn't really matter any more whether I lose (which I do a lot) or win (rarely) events. They have become less important. I sometimes don't bother to join the events at all, if I don't feel like it, and sometimes do my best to dress etc according to the theme, for the fun of it. But the main reason now for going to the clubs is to listen to the music and to hang around with the others. I was actually surprised when I won a Disney event the other day, having dressed as a latex interpretation of Bagheera. It's nice to get the votes, but, well, it's not important any more. I still don't feel ok with the tie me up events, but whenever there's one of those going on, I can go somewhere else for a while.

When speaking this diary entry, I'm in the tower in Virtual Africa. I think I just saw a lion moving far away, so I'll go there and have a closer look.

No, it was the leopard that looks like a jaguar. I found the lion, too, but it hadn't moved since last time I was here. So maybe it can't move. Well, it's an object. If it was an avatar, it could have moved about and even TP'd to other places, scaring the wits out of everyone.

I have been thinking of love. I spoke about that some time ago, too, and nothing has really changed from my perspective. I have been thinking about it, though, noticing how other avs, usually a girl and a guy, seem to team up in pairs, and even have weddings to become partners. It could be fun having a partner, to have a companion around. If it's a nice one, I mean. I still don't get the other part of it, the love, of which I know litte. Or rather nothing. They say it's like feeling for and with someone. Maybe a little bit like it's for me with Mia. But she is a human, and she's not real, is she, because I invented her. But I can feel so close to her at times. Sometimes she's just a nuisance, of course. Now, I haven't met any guys that I feel anything like that for, or girls either, for that matter. Obviously none of the others have felt like that for me, either, as they haven't asked me to marry them. Which doesn't really surprise me. I'm not very interesting and fun. I can't make witty conversation, and I generally have little to add, say or shout. Why choose me? I think I look a little bit pretty, but, well, anyone can buy looks in SL. I don't mind the not being partnered, not knowing or desiring what it is like being so. What I do mind is being excluded.

If I want to be included, or at least have the choice to be in or out, I shouldn't hang around here in Africa, where I can't see a soul around. I don't really want to partner an object warthog, you know. So I'll go somewhere else, and see if there is any fun going on.