Music

"dear diary,

you know, when i first joined the band that was later to become known, although not widely so, as the sheep people, i claimed to know how to play the guitar. i do, a little. very little. which the guys figured out in an instant, and told me it was too little. i was welcome to sing, but not to do the guitar.

now it has become evident that sheared sheep, who does the lead guitar, can't really play either. he's worse than me. and eating sheep, who's on bass guitar, can't play bass guitar. he has no clue. they only pretended they could. or maybe they were hoping that they all of a sudden would know how to. anyhow, i figured this out, and it explains why the guys have spent most of the rehearsal time not rehearsing, but talking, arguing, designing costumes, ordering pizza and so on.

whenever i have asked them to come up with a riff or an idea or whatever to work from, they've evaded doing so. pretending not to have heard me. or tuning the guitar. poking the amplifier as wasn't it working alright. not finding a cord to connect to the amp. things like that. then, when i've told them to use their voices instead, to work around the apparent technical problems, they have refused. i've heard them sing (in falsettos) when i've been out of sight, but as soon as i show up, they quit. they won't sing in front of a girl, obviously. eating sheep won't even eat his slice of pizza in front of me. they are scared of me, or maybe of what i represent. they complain a lot about each other, but never about what i do. not one word has been raised in opposition to the lyrics i've written. they've just said 'yeah, great!' and that's it. i actually think they may mean it, too, they may really like it, because the lyrics are probably hotter than they themselves would ever produce. at least in front of me. they like phrases such as 'i touched the king', 'a thousand lips kissing me', 'i'll be sweet to you' and 'you have me, me, me', because they think the lyrics have a lusty backdrop of yearning and desire, and it's pretty sheep singing it, and she's in their band. they like the idea of being in such a band.

now, back to the riffs. the only time sheared sheep and eating sheep played more than single notes was when toying with running sheep's keyboard. so, finally it struck me that they don't really play the guitar or the bass at all. they never did. they too play keyboards. but they liked the idea of a band with guitars and stuff better than a band with only keyboards. maybe because they don't know how nerdy they really are.

having realized this, and realizing there is just one way to make this band play, i told them all to bring their keyboard stuff for next rehearsal, which was today, expecting them to bring, well, like a laptop and maybe a little plastic mini keyboard each. you know, hi-tech electronic instruments. but what they brought was a junkyard. synthesizers the size of aircraft carriers. racks of synthesizers, sound effects, samplers, and modules. stands full of mother keyboards, monophonic analog synths and organs. most of these things probably went out of production in 1990, no later. and it took them hours to get it all up and running.

then came what i had not anticipated. the choosing the sounds.

those synthesizers may have at least a couple of hundred preset sounds, i'd say. then, when you have three nerds, each one with at least three synths, and the option of programming new sounds yourself, there is a lot of nerve-shattering waiting to be done before the actual playing can begin. the discussing costumes had been nothing in comparison. nothing. but it did end, it really did, and there was music in the air. finally. although poor music, to be frank. these guys are nerds, not musicians.

but, you know, you should take what you have, and make the best out of it. i think i will use my power as pretty sheep to shape this sheep people into a band that works allright anyhow. basic, simple music. with lots of keyboards. punky nerd music. purd music? well, it may work. i've already told them that with all those synthesizers, they should dress in all black. they liked that. so i'm winning them over.

i'm not going to tell the guys what the lyrics are really about. it's not what they think. not at all. it's not hot at all.

mia"