Quest

Fishie has this club called the Fishbowl, where I go quite a lot nowadays. I go there to see if she's there, of course, and to dance, meet some of the others and so on. It's a nice place.



Now, one of her friends has a club of her own, where I've also been. There's a DJ, a hostess and dancers, so it's very ambitious. And nice, that club too. Yet another friend is building a new club, and showed it to us last night. It's good. Really good.

So it seems like eveyone has a club of her own. Except for me. So maybe I should have one, too? That's what I thought, at least, until I realized it's gonna cost a lot, and I don't even know how many lindens I've got. So owning clubs is probably not for me. But it was fun, up until then, to imagine what my club should be like. Not that I got very far planning. I got to the name, trying to come up with a really, really good one. I settled for... Club Serval. Of course. But when checking (you see, I'm not plain stupid) I discovered that name is already taken. By some kind of furries club, I think. If you don't know, furries are avatars that don't look like avatars, but dress up in animal skins because they want to have sex. I don't quite get that, because avis looking avi also want to have sex. Which hasn't passed unnoticed. But why furries go all hairy for it is unclear. Anyhow, i concluded that going for a name such as Club Serval wouldn't be such a good idea after all, and that's where I started losing interest. Luckily I came up with the linden reason, too, so that I can drop the club thing without appearing prejudiced.

However, all that thinking got me a little bit interested in finding out why there's a thrill in dressing like an animal. So I went on a quest.

First I met the liejohness. She was quite reserved an animal, saying close to nothing, and not reacting to me stroking her back. All she really did was moving away, every time I tried to get close enough to start a conversation. Very little was said. She was big, but neither interesting, intrigueing or exciting. She was, in brief, boring. Not one to go to clubs to meet.



Next I went up into the treetops to meet a monkey. Now, this was something completely different. This monkey was capable of lots of talking. Babbling. Chattering. No end. Obviously she had a lot of things to get off her chest. It was quite nice connecting with her. But to be frank, I myself wouldn't go to clubs too see other avis looking like her. Monkey furries probably wouldn't rate as #1 turn-ons to me.



The next one I saw had much better looks. Servals are spotted cats, so any avi named after them probably has a soft spot for other spots. Like I have. The leopard was really good looking. That's the way to dress. And you know, I do have jammieses with a leopard pattern. They have a bum flap that can be either open or closed. Now, despite me liking the general leopard look, I found the leopard stance slightly intimidating. Makes you feel you're gonna get eaten any moment, and I think that would make me stay away from such furries. Oh, I've been around here in SL long enough to have heard enough jokes about the eating part. I don't see what's funny in there, though. But you don't have to IM me after hearing this part of my diary, because I've already heard the joke.



So I went on to see the elephant. I really wanted to see mrs E, but couldn't find her around and so went looking for her bf instead. But I never spoke to him. I quickly dropped that plan when seeing him from some distance. I mean, I have seen lots of avi guys trotting about with 2 foot object willies attached to their pelvises, and thinking that was rediculous. No avi, furry or not, would look at mr E without thinking a lot about self-preservation.



My quest finally brought me to that part of the savannah where the giraffes like to hang. They are said to have very long tongues, and figuring from what the others have told me, all of them having lots of fun about it, a good long tongue would be a true asset under certain circumstances. I had also been told that giraffes are tall, long-legged and long-necked, which sounded attractive enough to me. But hey, they didn't warn me about what I was about to see. Oh no. There's probably a ban on giraffes in any decent club. Just imagine the kind of straws required for their pina coladas. And meeting a giraffe furry in a club would probably mean not meeting her at all, because you wouldn't ever see her – being a giraffe is as remote and secluded as an avi in a skybox.

So, to sum this up, I'll settle with being named after an animal. That's ok. I like my name. But I don't think I'll try to look like one. Oh, yes, well, but they are just neko ears, and they are just for fun, aren't they, right?

Boxes

I went to the new club where all the nice girls are now, now after the spotted one is no more. Wow, wasn't it fun! Those friends I haven't seen for such a long time were all there, dancing, having a good time. I had so many IM boxes open that I almost had no fingers left when counting them. Which was a bit of a problem, because I didn't want to make those mistakes that I've done oh so many times before, speaking into the wrong box and ending up saying seemingly and absolutely incomprehensible things. By mistake I once even spoke of sports in the public chat, and then had to beg on my knees not to be banned from that particular club forever. I couldn't go there for a while anyhow. Of course not. Not after that. When I finally did go, the others seemed to have forgotten. Or maybe they were just being nice to me, pretending I had never said those horrid things. So tonight I was careful to speak in the proper boxes only. It took a lot of self-control. Which I lost just like that when Fishie showed up all of a sudden, and I ended up just blabbering and saying things without thinking. But I don't think she minds. Or the others either, btw. They probably know by now I'm not there to explain the mysteries of the worlds. I've had them explained to me, though, by many different avatars. There seems to be several explanations. But I don't even remember one.

Crystal ball

"dear diary,

last time it was serval, but this time it's me. quitting a job. damn it, i'm quitting my job. then, it's not the quitting that's the problem, but the starting the next one after that. the new job, the good job, the job i wanted so. they actually gave it to me. i got it. i'm leaving the island and the station and the school for a new place. and i've got to be at work at eight in the mornings, hours earlier than before, meaning going to bed earlier than before, you see what i mean, put the time difference on top of that, and there you are, i'll never see serval meeting her again, because one will be sleeping when the other is awake, and one will be working when the other is asleep.

i'm not there yet. it's not time yet. but i've gazed into the chrystal ball. foreseen the future. well done, mia, way to go. now you know. when you're gonna go. when you're gonna cry. when cold black winds will fill your heart with nothing again.

mia"

Bunnies

It's Easter, so there are lots of bunnies around. Even Fishie had a bunny tail and bunny ears tonight, and looked ever so cute.

Apart from the being cute, I don't know the point of Easter. The others told me it's celebrated because of their religion, meaning the human's religion, because they were once again pretending to be humans speaking through their avatars. I don't know why they do it, and I can't understand why they have to have that religion part in it, either. Maybe they feel a little guilty about claiming to be in charge of avatars, and therefore pretend that humans are also being subordinated to someone or something, to compensate. To shake the guilt off. To not fully accept the responsibility for what they are doing, saying what can we do, and blaming something that is even harder for an avatar to understand than the concept of humans. Wherever the concept of bunnies comes into that is way beyond me. Avatars don't eat, so we can't cook them. Or there's at least no point cooking them.



I wouldn't like cooking bunny Fishie, though. She's the avi I like most of all. The others say she's hot, and I think they are right about that. She feels really warm. So she may already have been cooked by someone else. Unless she did it herself. There have been fires in her place before, I know that, and something may have happened then, heating her up. Or she may have made a fire to fry her Easter eggs. Mia used to talk a lot about frying, during those days when she studied human religion, and I think she was a little bit scared of the frying part. I don't think Fishie is. She bravely fried her eggs, for some other reason than eating them (because she is an avatar, too), and got hot as hell. I like that.

Busy

I have been shopping. Or rather, I have been trying to, because I haven't found what I've been looking for. Which is The Black Eyes. Not exactly the eyes themselves, as I know well where to go to buy a pair of black eyes. No, I have been looking, once again, for a skin that has lots and lots of black black black eye makeup, i.e. the fabled black hole eyes skin that doesn't seem to be sold anywhere in SL. Oh, there are some skins with such eyes. But for some reason, those skins are either made for vampires and gothies, which means they are so pale or even all white (except for the black eyes). Or they are labeled "Emo" and have runny makeup tearmarks smeared across like half the face. So it looks like only vamps, goths and those really really unhappy are allowed to wear much black eye makeup. I'm none of those. I'm just an avatar with fair but healthy complexion, I'm generally happy, and happen to want those eyes. I have been to a million and eighty shops looking for them, without finding what I want.

Here's where I'll begin complaining for real. What I said above is just the warming up.

Skins are expensive. They take away many of the symbols in the linden dollar counter. So there are demos, so that you can try the skin on and see what it looks like before buying. Any avatar, maybe except for the absolute newbie noobs, knows that a skin that looks great on a sales poster probably looks quite the contrary when worn by you. It takes a lot of looking around (or a lack of good taste) from shop to shop trying demos on, trying not to be seen by others when trying on, to find a skin that looks fine on you. Everybody knows this, and that's why there are demos.

Buying a skin means you're a good client, doing good cunsumerizing to the benefit of the shopkeeper. And still many shops, or stores, expect you to pay for the demos. They expect you to pay for a chance to try a skin on too see if you want it. That's absurd. That's like having to pay to enter a shop.

I think there may be a kind of conspiracy, a lot of store owners ganging up, selling ugly skins that no one would ever dream of beeing seen wearing in public, so that they can earn a lot of lindens selling demos, because no one dares bying a skin without first trying on the demo.

To follow: My Next Complaint. Last night I went to a shop selling extra expensive skins, and they didn't even have demos. They expect you to go in there, look at the posters, like the pictures and pay up lindens worth a million hours of camping, and then discover that this skin is yet another one that doesn't suit you. Ok, I don't camp, but it's still a strange way to make business. I certainly didn't buy anything, and certainly didn't landmark the store. Becuase of the latter, I'm afraid I can't tell you which store I'm speaking off. Otherwise I would have liked to warn you about it.

Another thing that does disturb me is that more and more shops seem to have some kind of attendants. They never did before. Now they appear everywhere, it seems. And they don't leave you alone to look at the goods in your own time, in a state of peace of mind, but start harassing you the moment you port in or enter, and continue until you leave, TP out, or even log out (yes, because it's a one-click fast lane to end the pain).

Shop girl: "welcum serval can i help u we have so many nice thingies and also many news i can c u have a very good taste hun here is 1 ud love it's a very good price try it on!"

Serval:

Shop girl: "this 1 is our best, it's very popular!!!!"

Serval:

Shop girl: "this 1 is also our best!"

Serval: "it's not what i want"

Shop girl: "it's going 2 look gr8 on u!"

Serval: "i'm looking for something completely different"

Shop girl: "why don't u try it on hun!"



No matter what you tell them to make them go away, they keep vulturing around, embarassing you by their mere presence when you try on skins that of course turn out to be true nightmares, and they just can't refrain from – can't bloody keep themfuckingselves – from making comments, even after you've told them oh so many times that you don't want any help whatsoever, please, I plead.

Shop avatar: "oh it's like a dream cum true!"

Shop avatar: "u look like a princess!"

Shop avatar: "it's out best, u know!"

To make it clear I did not want to be bothered, I set my Busy sign. And changed my group tag to "I'm BUSY, please!" And continued shopping for my black hole skin.

Shop guy: "serval ur busy"

Serval: "yes i'm busy"

Shop guy: "ur busy sign is on"

Serval: "yes, that's the point, i'm busy"

Shop guy: "ur busy sign is on, so i can't give u a 300 linden store card"

Serval: "please, i'm busy"

Shop guy: "i can't give u the card as long as ur busy"

Serval:

Now a second attendant came soaring and landed talons first.

Shop girl: "welcum serval can i help u!"

Shop guy: "u got to change status from busy"

Serval: "read my sign, please"

Shop guy: "don't u understand, it says busy so u gotta switch to not busy"

Shop girl: "do u need any help hun!"

Shop guy: "ur busy sign is on"

Shop girl: "ur welcum to a store card hun!"

Shop guy: "gotta switch busy off for that though"

Shop girl: "ur welcum to join our upd8 group!"

I forgot to take a landmark for that store too, I'm afraid. And for many that followed.

I still have to find my new skin. And I'm a little bit afraid of going back to the shops to keep looking. I'm not sure I'm strong enough. And as I'm not that happy any more, either, after running the skin store gauntlet, I should maybe settle for one of those emo ones.

Bowl

"dear diary,

i've seen my incarnation serval going to this new place quite a lot lately. it's called the bowl of fish. she seems to enjoy the company of the other incarnation girls she meets there. it's probably a better haunt than the dance and strip club where she used to hang before. not that the bowl set is very prudish. on the contrary. but there's an easy-going and good-humoured atmosphere, and they don't undress for tips, but for fun.

(i don't think headmaster or most of those staying in the station would get that part. about undressing for fun. headmaster probably never undresses, but wears his coat and drover hat day and night, even in the shower, and even when, which i can't and won't picture him doing. he took his boots off once, but quickly put them back on again when realizing he had been seen.)

i've also seen serval going to the bowl of fish not to dance with the others, but to hang with just one of them. this girl and serval have spent a lot of time together, and i can't but recall what i asked myself some months ago, when she was seeing another girl: "does serval have secrets to me?" i won't ask that this time. maybe she has. maybe she hasn't. but i think that i did have. and i don't anymore, not after what happened next. during those days those months ago, serval told me not be scared. so i'm not scared now when seeing serval meeting fishie. nothing bad enough to be unbearable can come out of it. but maybe something much, much better can. that is what time will tell.

i don't really mind what the others that i know will think, should i find myself in the rush of blood and air again. i do care about cat, but he'll hardly raise hell, not after i found out why he brought the velcro gloves to work in the station. and the others... well, i'm about to move from this island soon, anyhow. the time has come, finally. i've decided to leave. i've found myself a new job, in a different place, and won't be teaching the little children in school sheep dancing anymore. yes, i've kept doing that, secretly. but now i won't anymore. headmaster was surprised to see my resignation, but soon lost interest after hearing that my new job won't involve and sheep at all, or any type of livestock. he called it a waste of youth, and then dismissed me.

whatever happens, there is much change ahead.

mia"