Ugly Serval

"dear diary,
nothing much has happened at work or on the station, where i went to see cat, just to say hullo. but it was out feeding the sheep, so i came back home again, and spent some time playing next life.

i enjoy it, it's fun. i can't have the children dance at school anymore, as there have been complaints and injuries, but now i've found out that there is a lot of dancing going on in next life. i took my incarnation, undead serval, to one of those places and had her dance a lot. they have a lot of dances i've never seen before, and that's fine, i like learning new things. what buggers me is that my incarnation isn't looking as good as many of the others. not that it really matters, not that it matters at all, but i really would prefer my new incarnation to look good when dead. or undead. i have to figure out a way to make her look better. maybe i need to bring her to one of those shops i've seen around, there seems to be a lot of them.

now, my original plan was to learn more about god, to teach the children, but i have to confess (which in itself may be a little bit religious, i'll remember that) i haven't seen much of what i assume is godliness around. most activities in next life seem to be centered around walking, talking and having sex. dancing, too. or just sitting in places doing nothing. there is also a lot of shopping going on, of course. all in all, next life seems to mirror what happens on the station on saturdays, when all the humans don't have to work. the only differnce being that in next life, there seems to be no rum.

i've learnt that a cross means god, so i got serval one of those and hung it around her neck. and because headmaster told me that angels have halos, i also created (you can do that in next life, create things) one of those and put it on serval's head. it looks really cool. i made it black. now, that's religion.

mia"

Undead

Can you believe what Mia wrote in its diary?!

"dear diary,

the children have been good these days, ever since 'god' told them about the agonies involved with frying after having been bad to your teacher. so i decided to investigate this subject further. i soon found out about this next life, to which the headmaster was referring when speaking of that frying business. it made little sense to me, so i dived straight into it, and wow, it wasn't at all as boring as i had expected.

first, i had to name an avatar. it makes sense, as avatar is another word for incarnation, and to have a next life, you need to incarnate again. as your original incarnation was buried, or fried, or whetever. then this incarnation, which i named serval, because it's a cat and my brother's name is cat, entered the next life.

i'm still a bit puzzled, because i'm still here, in australia, spending this evening in the school, and hearing the headmaster doing it's chores in it's house closeby. so i am alive. at the same time, i've entered the land of the dead. my incarnation is clearly alive, too. i can see it moving. i can even see it flying (which, by the way, is totally normal in next life, yeah, headmaster told me of little angels, it wants me to teach the children about them). does this make me a living dead here in australia? or an undead in next life? i will have to investigate this thing further.

one really nice thing about this world behind the veil is the absence of sheep. i haven't seen a single one yet. i've seen cats and dogs and foxes, but no sheep. that's a bonus. there must be a hell of a barbecue going on in purgatory. and another thing is, this afterlife seems quite cool, quite laid-back. i took all my clothes off, just for the hell of it, and went about stark naked. no-one seemed to notice. at first i thought i was undead for real and was not seen by the incarnations i met, but then someone wrote to me and suggested sex. that was hilarious, you should have seen the size of his member! i declined in a nice way, saying he shouldn't sleep with the dead, which seemed to confuse him. i'm of course not very interested in such things. this incarnation just couldn't know. he said, in a humorous way, he would go an screw a fox or a real serval instead. i'm glad he didn't say a sheep. anyhow, next life doesn't seem to be exactly what headmaster is expecting. and in tomorrow's god class, i will teach the children about members the size of baseball bats.

mia"

The voice

I wonder what Mia's been up to?

"dear diary,
i think i'm in a fix. headmaster will have me fried if i don't teach god, and what do i know. ok, i've heard some things. maybe that's enough. i could make the rest up. i guess the children won't notice. they aren't really ... bright. and those who complain about children getting hurt in school, they aren't much of a problem, because the children won't be able to tell them. this will be deep stuff. too deep for most.

'good morning, children', i will say. 'today we'll talk about god. do you know what god is?'

'yes miss', they will shout, 'it's watching over us all the time and helping us in our lives'

'oh. well. right. and you know what?'

'no miss, what miss?'

'this morning the voice of god spoke to me'

'oooh miss'

'and it said:'

I HAVE COME TO U
BECAUSE THERE HAS BEEN MUCH FUN AND GAMES LATELY
DANCING AND ALL THAT
LAUGHS AND GIGGLES
APPLES BROUGHT TO SCHOOL
AS WELL AS VOMBATS
I CAN'T REMEMBER TELLING US TO DO THAT
U MUST REMEMBER I'M YOUR SHEPHERD
AND U ARE MY SHEEP'

'yeeeah, sheep!' they will shout.

'NOW U MUST BE QUIET FOR THE REST OF THE DAY
AND TOMORROW MISS MIA WILL TELL U THE REST OF MY WORDS
ONE SINGLE SOUND
A SINGLE COMPLAINT ABOUT THE LUNCH
EVEN IF U DON'T LIKE THE MUTTON AND EGGS
A SINGLE WORD
A SINGLE LAUGH
AND U WILL FRY
U KNOW WHAT I MEAN'

i kind of like this. it's a good plan.

mia"

A million and eighty days

I went back to the Sanctuary yesterday night. I haven't wanted to before, as the previous time was quite bad. Not the Sanctuary itself. But I had lots of blackouts, and I couldn't move at times, couldn't hear. There were problems. It all was like being sick again. I don't like that, and it made me feel bad about going there. But now, with all this listening to Mia's diary, I felt like dancing again. So I went there. And there was music. There was dancing. There was dressing in a lot of strange ways. Oh, do I like the Sanctuary. I think this is the quintessence of avatarism; forgetting you're an avatar, because, truly, frankly and truly, avatar life isn't very substantial, or eventful, or developing. I think there has to be something more to squeeze out of these a million and eighty days that Second Life has in store for me. And when I can't see this whatever more of squeezy thing, then the dancing turns the panic into just another pleasant night with all the other avatars, guys and gals.

Britney

The group I once bought has quite a few members by now. So many, it's like it's not mine anymore. That's fair, really. If you join a group like this, you should own a little part of it. Because the group becomes you. This group is named Born to be Britney 2. And it has members.

I know there are lots of groups in Second Life. I have joined some, but nothing changed when I did, so I eventually unjoined. I still know nothing about what groups do. Am I supposed to do something because I started this one? I don't know. And I don't know how to make some guys join. I guess they will come. I could make a special title for them to show on their name tags. I think Boy Britney would be cool.

I've peeped in Mia's diary again:

"dear diary,
what a lousy day. the headmaster called me to its office, which is right next to the school. first it told me how happy it was to have me teaching there. it needn't tell me. there's not a single human around who would like to do the teaching. they all want to shear the sheep, feed the sheep, or cook the sheep. the headmaster must be overjoyed, having found anyone at all who's prepared to take care of children, not sheep. and to sleep in that old classroom every night, when other humans rent nice houses and skyboxes for themselves. some live in the station, too.

then it told me to stop the dancing. obviously it hadn't known of the children dancing in school, until some human spoke to it yesterday, complaining that a child had been hurt. the headmaster said i wasn't supposed to teach dancing, and the proper thing would be to fire me.

'will i fry?' i asked, frightened.

'well ... not in this life, ha ha, but neither of us knows what's coming in the next one, right', it answered.

finally, the headmaster decided not to fire me. it would have, had it been something else than a sheep dance. it didn't like the dancing, but liked the sheep part a lot.

sadly, i was told there should be no more dancing in class. instead, there should be teaching the children a lot about germany and god.

that one will be a tricky part. i obviously know a lot about germany, because i'm a human, but i don't know much about god. i have nothing against it, but i think it must have stopped watching over me a long time ago. when i've looked back, i haven't even seen anyone watching me.

mia"

Control

I like that I can make Mia look stupid, if I want to. I can make it speak very bad, with a lot of errors. I don't mind humans when I'm in control, ha ha.

The problem is, I can't let it speak like that. It is a teacher, and has to speak properly. My story will fall apart otherwise. So, Mia really speaks like this:

"dear diary,
i'm afraid i was a bit tipsy when i spoke to you yesterday. it was a great party, and i think i got too carried away. it felt like that in my head this morning. the children didn't notice, anyhow. i don't think they did, because they were having fun learning a new dance: the sheep dance. we invented it the night before, me, cat and some of the other humans at the party. you dance it on all fours. cat did it really well, wasn't it a blast. the children weren't bad, either. little amy almost crushed some of the others, because it is a lot bigger than them. it looked so funny i had a hard time controlling myself.

ok, i have to confess the party wasn't all good. the party itself was fine, that's for sure. but towards the end, after some healthy drinking, uncle aaron came to join us dancing. i don't like it very much. well, 'very much', that is mildly speaking. and uncle aaron knows that. but i think all the rum made it lose control. it should have stayed drinking with the other old humans, but it came to dance the sheep dance with us. of course it did, because you can't teach an old dog new tricks. i had to slap it, in a seemingly playful way, as the others were looking. but i tried to make my eyes tell it i am fully capable of discontinuation. it kept dancing, but i had made my point.

today, the children made me laugh again, doing the same dance. i'm grateful for that.

mia"

Diary

I think Mia speaks a diary. That's a way for it to keep its memories in order. Mia, like other humans, likes control. Likes good order. So it speaks a diary:

"deer diary
taday after school i went tode station to shoot couplea rabbits, for de kids toeat tomorra, but they hadaparty going on, soi inded dencing allnite. thekids will heve mutton egen, iguess. heres a pictcher little cat took of me. sweet dreams!

mia"

Birth

Mia is a human. It lives in Germany, because that is the only place in First Life I remember other avatars talking about. No. Now I remember other places, too. Japan. Italy. And Australia. Mia lives in Australia, because there are sheep there, and I have been talking to some avatars about sheep. As if I knew a lot about sheep. And farms. So that makes good sense. (And I have a sheep in my inventory.)

So, Mia lives in Australia in First Life, in a place where there are sheep. There is a farm. But in Australia, they don't call it a farm. They call it a station. I have no idea how I know that. But I do know. Mia lives in a station. No. It is a teacher, and thus lives in a school. But maybe there is a station close to the school.

Then there is a little brother. That has to be, because I made such a joke once. I said my little brother had velcro gloves. Some of the avatars actually laughed. I didn't get it, and still don't see what's funny. But I can't change my story now.

I think a brother is someone with the same second name as you, the one you never use, and I've seen such avatars around. With the same second name as I. A little brother is probably smaller than I am. That's a problem, because I'm not very big myself. But I can say that Mia is quite big. It is very big. Sooo big. No, then they will ask exactly how big, and I won't know what to answer. A million? No, I'd better say it's not very big. And the little brother is even smaller. Its name is ... Cat. But it is not one of the child avatars going to school, because there is nothing wrong with it. It's just small by design, or by laziness. A less lazy avatar would change appearance and get bigger.

I think that is quite a good story for starters. Mia from Australia is a human living in a school together with the children, with whom (as I have said before) there is probably something wrong. Mia teaches them things, like speaking and hearing, and increasing their size. But Mia is a rebel, and doesn't teach the children about First Life, or about going to Second Life when they are deleted. Even though it is supposed to do that. Instead, Mia teaches the children to dance.

Mia's little brother Cat is working in the station, which is on the same island as Mia's school. Cat is very small, lazy, has velcro gloves and is feeding the sheep.

Lies

I don't get many friends. I think it's maybe because they don't like me. Not that I want them all for friends. I can't speak to them without not understanding. When they are serious and careful about what they say and how they say it, then I can't follow them. What they say means nothing to me. It's like all the words go in one side of a tunnel, and don't come out the other side. The meaning of the words dissapears before I hear them. It's frustrating, because I can never answer, I don't know what they are talking about. Some have begun calling me Stupid Serval.

Then, when they are not serious, they behave like they were idiots themselves, shouting, making a racket, saying silly things, liking each other for saying meow, gasping and panting, and lolling lolling lolling.

"meow tickling his big bad tail with my whiskers lol"

I sometimes wish there were humans. Because then it would be humans making the avatars behave like that, not the avatars themselves. And then I would know that humans are no super-avatars at all, but rather idiot-avatars.

Telling others that I think such things doesn't get me any new friends. Rather the contrary. Stupid Serval, they say, and I've lost those few friends I already had.

The guy who eats peanuts doesn't care, it seems. I met him some time ago. He says he eats a lot of peanuts. Great, I say, without really understanding. I have no idea what peanuts are. He's still a friend. Maybe not for so long, though. He said I had lied to him. Because I had told him I'm a teacher when I'm not. I don't know why I told him that. I'm not a teacher, I know. I just said it. I don't know why. It just happened. I didn't think "maybe I should tell him I'm a teacher". I just said it, without thinking at all. And said other things about teaching, too, whithout knowing what I was talking about. So, soon he'll be gone with the others, I think. Maybe that's when I'll be discontinued. Like with my group. If there are no members in a group, it is deleted. If you have no friends, you are deleted?

But I may be able to trick him into believing I was not lying, after all. He believes in humans. And he believes there is one special human controlling him, and speaking through him. I don't know why. Maybe he likes feeling controlled.

I've seen something similar before, in a dungeon, where I went once. There were guys everywhere who wanted to be controlled, manhandled and whipped. In one room I got into, a very big room, there was this one guy strapped in some kind of chair. He must have been waiting there for a long, long time, because he sounded desperate when I entered.

"pls help me", he pleaded.

"what do you want?" I asked him. I expected him to say he wanted to get out of the chair.

"i need someone 2 switch on the electricity", he said.

I looked at the chair. There were wires from it connected to his 2 foot object penis. This was beyond me. I didn't get it. I didn't know what electricity was, even though I could spell it, and still can.

"you can wait", I said and left him there.

But the guy with the peanuts doesn't speak of electricity. He speaks of lies.

"u lied 2 me", he said. "ur not a teacher"

But what if I should say:
"serval is not a teacher"

That way I could pretend there's a human speaking through me too. I could pretend my human is speaking directly to his human, and not me speaking to him. No, Serval is not a teacher. Serval is just an avatar, and avatars don't teach. But maybe my human is?

Pretending like this could be of good use not only for this teacher thing. I could pretend also with other avatars who believe in First Life. I could make more friends. And when they say things I don't understand, I don't have to tell them I don't. Instead, I can say something really stupid, without being Serval stupid.

"the serval cat purrs and nibbles ur object penis with its freebie vampire fangs baby rofl lol ha ha ha"

Something like that. I heard someone say something like that once, and they all laughed like crazy.

Yes, I can pretend I am a human controlling me. I can.

I think I shall call it ... Mia.

Counting

Now it's September, they say. Oh, it's September already! That's what they said, and they don't seem to be pleased with that at all. I just kept smiling, all of it passed well over my head, it passed really quickly.

They understood anyhow, and told me September is a month. Aha! And that a month has thirty or so days. Aha! And there are twelve months in a year. Aha! All in all like a million days in a year. That was a great help to me. As I've learnt counting to three by now. A guy I met told me how to, in exchange for me blowing bubblegums wearing an outfit he gave me.

"so what?" I asked.

"then there's another year, then another, and then there's eighty of them and you die", they said.

That's like being discontinued. They told me. This left me crying my eyes out. I didn't like that. So I have only eighty of the million day years left dancing? How much is that? Will it be soon? Eighty has to be more than one two three, hasn't it? And a million? Also more than one two three. It must be. Maybe less than eighty.

That could be soon, couldn't it? And I haven't even been laid yet. (That's another way of saying "have not had sex".) Not even once.

I had been close to, though. Once again there had been the coloured balls. My thong was off. Or, rather, I went there without, not to mess things up again, thongs sticking an all that.

"can i put it in ur ass?" he asked. Just another guy I had met.

"do whatever you like", I said, eager to get going and have mysteries resolved.

"no exit only stuff then? bout ur ass eh?"

That I didn't understand. Shops in the mall have exits. I don't. I didn't even know I hade an ass, either. I still don't think I do. So I said he was welcome to put it (?) straight through my head, if he so liked. He didn't, but wanted the other thing. He would even give me Lindens for it afterwards, he said. A nice guy, this one. And then came the blackout...

I came to again on that empty beach, where I seem to go sometimes. Of course I went there. No guy. No pink and blue balls. Just me, and mysteries were still unresolved.

And now they tell me there is some kind of counting going on. One two three million eighty. Last waltz.