Big log

time has come to log. the big, big log. serval is moving to first life for good, to join me and accompany me there.

it's a hard thing to do, but hasn't it to be done at some point anyhow? it can't go on and on for ever, can it? especially not just for the sake of it. for some time i've been keeping serval alive only to keep her alive. since those days together with fishie, sl life has been solitary. bonds to friends were lost during those months when fishie was the focus of attention, and since then, well, let's say that serval's social life has never recovered. the reason is partly that her human's social life mainly has been really, really nice, following a move to a city of good size, a new job with many young colleagues, and lots to do.

i recently decided to have one more go, and took serval to a club similar to the one where she once used to dance. that's where she had her one and only sl job, and where she met a number of very sweet avis and had such a good time.

serval is taller than her human. that wasn't intentional, but just happened and then stayed that way for a thousand days. but in this new club, she turned out to be a shortie. the other ladies were godzilla size (as to height), and wore high heels and long flowing hairs, all of them. none of them wore their c or d cups this particular day.

serval stood watching the goings on for a while, listening to the chat, and then left, concluding this was nonsense. i myself concluded that going to such places, or keeping up the lonely drifter and shopper kind of existence, would be just more waste of life.

to tease avid sl'ers, serval has now and then called sl a game. they promtly reply that sl isn't a game but a community. it seems to be an important distinction, as the game label is never left unchallenged. i myself don't think it's important whether you call it a game, a community, computer software or a waste of life. what matters is what you put into it and what you get out of it in return.

i used to get enough in return, but not any more. then, in rl, i've had so much in return just by being there. my heart, body and soul have been love bombed by first life. so to me, sl has become a waste of life computer software, which does offer communities, i admit, but serval has not found a place in one of them. to me that's a reason good enough to log.

i'm aware of the big black misery that's gonna hit me the moment serval passes the point of no return. but it has to be happen. and i intend to bring her into first life, into my life, not to get rid of her. she has been showing me how to do things that i'd never have done myself. now she's to become my angel, instead of me being hers, to lead me by the hand, to kick me in the bum, to make me do things myself instead of through a defenseless avatar. no hands. this, i can tell you, is some thrill.

i will wear sooty eyes. i will speak to strangers. i will not speak to guys that don't zip up. i will open my heart to guys, girls and furries, if they are willing to open theirs. i won't hesitate to try new things. i will have a notecard for guys that go mmmmm. for starters.

there may be some goodbyes now. and a lot of work. you can't leave an inventory behind for the lindens to eat, can you.

if you ever return to this diary again you may find new posts. serval may continue writing in first life. what do i know. it's her diary.

xoxo

emmi