"I am"
Am I? Have I achieved much? Have I left my mark in Second Life? Oki, I've made the odd friend. Some of them truly odd. The most normal, most social, most streamlined and easygoing avis don't seem very interested in knowing me. The spoors left by my serval paws don't seem to attract them. Maybe they're on the lookout for liejohns. Or even for dogs. Which I'm not, and so don't really expect their attention or interest. I can't reflect their ways through mine. And don't try much, because I don't really want to. I guess I can only take that much lolling and hunning, and not enough to appear social enough. So, really, I don't know what lies beyond the huns and lols. I've probably gone somewhere else, looking for the odd ones, when time would have come to find out.
I know I am one thing. I am slow. I'm usually the last one to find out what's up, and by then it's not up any more. I sometimes don't understand jokes, or what's going on at all, because I probably failed to pick something up en route. An expression. An abbreviation. Some novelty. And now this thing about Mia. It took me two years, which equals seven hundred... hair... Bax... days, to figure that one out. That's slow. Or am I just lacking interest? Lacking ambition? Not really caring to know?
Or just don't I care much about things at all? I may actually be discontinuing myself slowly by not getting involved or interested enough in anything. Oh, I have developed an interest in Fish, but isn't that really the Mia part of me doing that? The Serval part just shuffles about, dragging its feet leaving marks accordingly, not those clear and well-defined prints that might have attracted the interest of others.
Or can I blame time? Like, for seeing Fishie I have to stay up late, really much too late, because of time zones. So the human in me (yeah, I admit that one now, there has to be a human in each of us – just pls note that I say "in", not behind or anything about controlling) is always tired when in SL. Yawning instead of lolling, and too slow to make good conservation. Maybe even too slow to understand there is conservation going on at all.
And then there's also the time available to spend inworld. Momentum is required, it seems. If you don't see your friends often enough they lose interest. If you don't see your bf often enough he loses love. So you have to invest enough rl time or the wheels stop spinning. Which in fact means a slow discontinuation, because then not much of interest happens to you inworld. I don't mind the slow, but do mind the other. And sometimes don't understand why. "Because what can we avatars do? Walk, fly, talk, and take on and off clothes. That's about it." On your own, Second Life isn't that much of a nice place. And if you can't go there much enough, you may be on your own. Not experiencing much apart from the shallowest lollings.
Wow, that's some nice mood. Drawn right out of the cat.
