One word

There were these strange things. I was in the angel's bed and was entirely relaxed, and then saw things happening, without them happening for real. When I looked around the angel was next to me, and when I didn't look any more, these other things came back. It was like I was doing things, experiencing things, but they didn't happen. I don't think they did. And then all of a sudden there were those so familiar sensations of waking up in SL. The brief dizziness. Then my eyes clearing to reveal the world around. The bed was gone. The angel was gone. First Life was gone.

I have one single word for that moment. Disappointment. Utter disappointment. Those were two words.

I was back. First Life was no more. And to be honest, at first I wasn't quite sure it all had really happened. Maybe there had been no angel. Maybe it was just another one of those strange things happening in my head before I woke up.

But no. Of those I remember little, if anything. They were just like some kind of fluttering interference, like someone showing you a lot of snapshots so fast you didn't really see them, didn't get time to focus your eyes on any.

From First Life I remember everything. The places. The rattle of the subway. The angel. Her words. The sounds. The stare of the little humans next table. The feeling of ice on my skin. Omg, the feeling of other things. And the pace of the humans, the masses of them. Smelling. And I can still feel the taste of tea and ice cream in my mouth.

I have been there.

And now I'm back. And from the first moment I didn't want to. And I still don't.

There are humans. I know that now. Because I've even been one, if only oh so briefly. What more can I say. All I knew about living, or rather the living itself, has been reduced to a triviality if compared to experiencing those things in First Life. All those things.

Oh, the club. The best club I'd been to. There is nothing like it in SL. Same music, but a different universe. And we went into a church. Oh my, I thought churches were for having sex. I saw that once, there was a dungeon in a place just like that church, and all the guys were like tied up in strange furniture, or hung naked in ropes and begged for no mercy. But the angel said First Life churches are for human religion. Which confused me, because I have believed that they did religion in SL. Then there was the zoo, where the animals were as real as me and the angel, not objects only, and they all had their free wills. That's more than I have myself, obviously. Because everything I do is controlled by her. I dunno about what I think, but what I do, it's all her. Everything I say. I have no free will. But I had there, in First Life.