Members

I can't believe it! I have a new group, and there are more members than just me! There is another avatar, and then yet another avatar.

Spooky

A scary thing happened to me today. When I took my top off, to change into something else, there wasn't skin beneath, as you would have expected. There was a second top (an ugly black one). It wasn't an undershirt, and it wasn't a shirt either. It was there, I was clearly wearing it, but it didn't show on the Take off menu. So I couldn't take it off. It was like part of my skin.

The hour that followed was nightmarish. I fell asleep and woke up a thousand times. I was teleported to and fro between different places. Tops came on and off.

Finally, all of a sudden, the spooky black top was gone. There was once more skin beneath. I stopped falling asleep, and there was no more crazy teleporing. Oh, was I releived.

But the really, really scary thing is that there may be something wrong with me. Because this has happened once before.

The first time it was a thong that stuck (black and ugly, once again). It was really embarrassing. I had decided to have a new go at trying out that sex thing, and there I was, and there was this guy, and a bed with pink and blue balls, and all was set, we were undressing to get going. That was when the black, ugly spooky thong appeared when I took my real thong off. I quickly tried to put it back on, then take it off, hoping the spook would go away. It didn't. I tried many times. The spook was stuck there.

I fled. I just shot right up in the air, hit the ceiling, wanted to get away, feeling nothing but utterly embarrassed.

But oh, was I lucky! For some reason, after desperate moments banging against the walls and ceiling, I was teleported away from there, to that empty beach. For the first time in my life, I welcomed the muffled dizziness of teleportation.

After some time, the spooky thong was gone. But now when it has happened again, I'm really worried.

Groups

And hey, where's my group? It's gone, was taken away from me while I was sleeping. It's not there any more. They say it was deleted (no, I don't like that word at all) because it had too few members. It's a rule, another rule, groups must have members. So those avatars who delete groups really expected me to get members to a group named Born to be Britney? To get any members at all? One single? Those guys can't be very clever.

They probably don't understand how much time I had spent on the dance pad to buy the group. And, to be honest, I don't really fancy the pad anymore. Not after discovering the dance club, were everyone goes just to have fun.

Now, once more, I've spent a long, long time on the pad to buy a new group. I know I have enough Lindens, because the Linden counter turned one symbol extra, and that's what I need. If there is a symbol for each finger on a hand, then I have enough. The problem is, I need members, or the new group will be deleted too. I think I'll ask the avatars at the club to join. I'll dance for them, stark naked, on top of the piggy sploder if only they help me keep my group.

It's not a very good plan. Then they can make me dance the sploder every night, or they'll leave the group. You see, I'm not stupid.

Sleep

It felt no different from all those times before when I've fallen asleep. Sudden dizzyness. World going black. Gone. And then, almost at once, the waking up. Waking up today took a minute or two, like it always does, and then I was back exactly where I was before getting tired. A brief catnap, all in all.

But they said I had been away for more than a week.

What's a week? I didn't want to ask them, because I think they find me stupid sometimes, me and my questions. So I asked someone else, later. He told me the following: When the sun has risen five or six times (how much is that?), it's a day, and when you have seven (?) days, it's a week. This didn't mean much to me, but then he explained it another way: If I dance the pad for a week, I would earn enough to buy a really expensive new skin. Not that I want to, I'm happy with my looks, but I got the point. A week is a very long time. And I had been asleep for that long, without noticing.

That worries me a bit. How come I didn't notice? Has something happened to my head? Do I still have that bug I got from dancing in there?

And what will happen next time I go to sleep? Will I be gone for a week again? Or even longer?

I don't want to.

Speaking

Some laugh at me when I say I don't believe in First Life. Some get angry, even rude.

"where u from?" they say.

"from here around", I answer. "i don't have a house, or so, so i just hang around anywhere"

"lol i mean irl"

"i've never been there, i was born here"

"yeah, sure, u play on hun, have fun", they say, and never speak to me again.

Others say I'm insane, because I say I don't believe in humans, and still keep speaking to them. They say this white screen in front of me, the one I'm speaking into right now, is connected to the humans in some way. That's what they say. You come here, sit in front of the white screen, and you speak to the humans. Can you believe that?

I was thinking of trying it out, just to prove what a silly notion it is. I was to ask the humans to remove the Black Cat Avatar from my inventory. If they didn't, it would prove there's no-one listening. If they did, well, I would at least get rid of the nasty cat thing. And maybe start believing in humans... Yeah. But my friends said it wouldn't work, as "the humans listen only when they feel like it". They also said you shouldn't test the humans like that, because humans like to make all decisions themselves. They don't like being pushed.

Well, all this doesn't seem very credible to me. All you humans who listen: up yours, ha ha.

So I don't really know why I keep speaking to the white screen. It just feels right. Makes me feel good afterwards.

Sex

They say I'm supposed to like guys. But, overall, I'm not very interested in them. I just don't like them that much. Not that I can't like. I know I can. I know when I like. I saw this avatar once, the most beautiful one. I liked seeing her. She was all black, like when someone passes between you and the sun. You see nothing but black.

But you need guys for this sex thing. They do it a lot around here, and they say it's nice, or fun, or good. Mostly they say it's all of it. So, having been sick, and a bit moody, I went one place to try. To have some of that goodness myself.

Although I've never done it, I have picked up a few vitals on how to get going. So I hung by the bar, undressed. Soon I noticed this guy, having snuck up behind me. Pleased, I waited for something to happen. But it didn't. I still don't know what he was doing there behind me. But I'm quite sure he wasn't doing it right. He didn't touch me even once. And he didn't touch himself (which they have also told me of). There he was, out of clothes, working his hand in midair between us, as if trying to touch my bum. Or trying to speak. But he didn't say a single word. Nothing happened at all. Beats me what he was getting out of it. He left without a cu. Maybe he never saw me at all.

Afterwards they told me it was sex, anyhow. Yeah. Right. That was fun.

Thinking

Maybe it's this beeing sick that has made me think. I don't know. And I don't really like what I have been thinking.

There have been times when I've heard someone mentioning beeing "cancelled". Or "discontinued". For example, those words were used before I had learnt the dress code of one place. Where the code was a lot of dressing, I eventually found out. But nothing bad happened to me, apart from the shouting and the capital letters in a different colour.

And there has been this talking about First Life. Aka irl when you speak to some. Or Germany (to some others). Someone told me the humans said to live in First Life can cancel any avatar they like. Have I been in First Life, and was cancelled from there? Is that why I'm here now, in Second Life?

These are thoughts beyond what I can really grasp. I don't like them. They first came when I was ill. Now they're stuck there, in my head.

Is there a Third Life? Is there a Tenth? If so, what will happen to me to make me go there?

Sick

I've not been quite allright for some time. I've felt sick, and my body has not been normal.

I've heard of virus, bugs and crabs, and I'm a little bit afraid I've caught it. Not crabs, probably, because they say you only get it from having sex. Of which I've heard a lot. Almost everyone seems to be talking about having sex. But I don't think I have had it, and thus I can't have the crabs. But having caught one of the others worries me. Virus or bugs. Some say you just get it, others say you get it from the humans. Well, there we are again, back to religion. But I don't think humans did this to me, making me feel sick, because I don't think there are humans. I think I got it from the dancing. In the club. I remember that I was on the dance floor, and then I stopped moving. I could see the other avatars dancing, but I couldn't myself. Then I slowly faded into blackness. When I came to again, I was still in the club. More or less in the same place. But I felt something was wrong. And when I snapshot myself, I saw the most beastly avatar in that picture. It was ugly. It was deformed. It wasn't me. And still it was.

Slowly it wore off. Slowly, but it did. Now I'm almost ok again. But I'm still afraid of returning to the club. I don't want it to happen again.

Dance

I've known the dance pad most of my life. You go to your club, step onto the pad, and your body starts dancing. Mostly there isn't even music, you still dance. And you get paid for it! Not much, but still, paid. The pad has become my job. It doesn't matter hours are long.

The only time I've felt completely at ease has been when working. Maybe that's why I like dancing so much. At work, I know I'll be there for a long time. I can relax. I can think, without worrying about what's coming next. When I'm working, there are no blackouts, no crowded teleports.

But dear old pad. I'm afraid I have to tell you I fell out of love with you last night. I found, was swept away by, someone else. By something else. Loud music. Loud, and fast, and slow, and even louder. Avatars everywhere. All dancing. And no-one beeing paid. I just had to dance, too, like them. And I danced, and danced, and danced. No pad, no pay. Just danced with all the other avatars all night. Oh, am I in love!

Humans 2

They say that humans speak through their mouths. Not by fingering the air, like me and every single other speaking beeing I have ever seen. Through their mouths? What a stupid thing to say. Makes you believe in them all right, yeah.

Humans

Today I have already blacked out three times. Each time I've come to in a new place, after muffles very looong. I don't like these sudden changes. Sometimes there isn't even a teleport in the place where I wake up from the blackness. For example, I keep going to a beach where there's nothing at all. Nothing to see, nothing to do. Apart from walking the beach until I black out next time.

I don't like the splatting, either. Which is what happens when you fall from high places. You fall, and then you splat onto the ground. It doesn't hurt much, but it's embarassing. You dress up to look nice. You move around the world with dignity. Then you splat.

It would be easy to avoid it happening. Just stay away from those high places. But sometimes I go places without really knowing why. I know it's dangerous, and still I do it. They say it’s because "a human is controlling me".

OK, I go places, just wandering about. And I teleport to unknown places. But isn’t that just living? That's what avatars do. It doesn't mean there has to be some kind of super-avatar (who I can't see, hear, speak to or in any other way perceive) watching me, and pushing me this or that direction. Oh, you hear a lot of stories about these "humans". Some avatars even pretend their human is speaking directly through their fingers.

"hi hun were u from? im from germany"

Or japan. Or wherever. They seem to have many different places in this First Life of theirs. Show it to me, and I'll believe in it.