Caring

I have been thinking of discontinuing Mia. After all, I created her, and she's not amusing me any more. On the contrary, she's becoming a real pain. First she had me get into all sorts of religious talk with other avatars, and anyone who knows me a littte knows I don't like religion very much. At all. But I had to do it, after Mia messed things up in school and had to start teaching religion, without knowing a bit about it. So I had to help her out. Get her out of the fix.

Then, obviously, she ran over some hens. Probably driving drunk. She has tried to make it look as if she doesn't drink much, but I don't really know about that. Her mum drinks quite a lot, by far too much, and these things can be heritable, someone told me. And Mia has had a rough time. Not recently, but before, and those things can stick. They can go deep. She said herself (yes, she keeps stealing pages in my diary, I wonder if she really thinks I won't notice?) that she cries at night. It wouldn't be much of a surprise to me if she drinks at night, too. Probably before crying. No wonder she's not doing her job in school very well. And no wonder she ran over those hens.

Then she turned God. I don't know if it's the drinking, or if she just felt bad about what she had done. And she lied, too, beacuse she was never sent to prison, she went for a holiday. The judge just gave her a warning and let her go. She probably gave him a special treatment. Oh, nothing like that, because she wouldn't allow any guy near herself. But she probably did just what she said in my diary, she put on a big show. Mia can look really unhappy sometimes. And she can act happy when she's not. She can act any mood. So she got away. Then she went all bonkers. She started speaking in the name of God. Well, she stopped, too, but not soon enough. She crossed the line, pretending she's my real human. Not the one I created. But a human who created me.

I don't like that. And now she's rebelling even more. She's done something to the Linden counter, so that I can't go shopping any more. They say there are no Lindens. I know, I just know it's because of her.

Yes, I'm getting fed up with Mia. Doesn't she realize that if I didn't let her speak in my diary, no-one would even know that she exists. No-one would care if she lost her stupid job, which she can't handle anyhow. No-one would care if Uncle Aaron came back for her again. And no-one would care about the stupid little children.

I'm not sure I will keep her.

Tramp

I don't feel quite OK about what I wrote about Mia. She's my human, after all. On the other hand, didn't she call me a tramp?

Sheer

Mia may be moaning, but not me! Cause I won an event tonight! A sheer event, with lots of clothes not really showing much. Or, rather, showing much. Ooops, Mia, sorry about that, ha ha.

Soul

"dear diary,

is this just the wine or is it some subconscious little system from deep within speaking to me? i'd go for the latter. at least if i was that stupid little incarnation serval, ha ha. and what about me? well, i'll go with her. this time only.

the thing is, the thing is i'm in doubt. i look at those around me. all merry and alive, probably nice people, too. i invest some of my time in them. but i don't really think i get much back.

hey, and what about my soul? wouldn't that help? oh, i won't invest my soul, not for starters, because that would drive them away. running, screaming, burning themselves at the stake. but i could invest some spirit, probably, and have some of that in return, too. wouldn't that be a nice way of spending some time? soul-less spirit, and out comes a laugh, maybe. so why don't i?

hey, i think i have the answer to that one. i don't want to.

what i want, what i really want, says my little subconscious system, is to howl and blubber my heart out. my bloody soul. and from what i've seen, those around won't really care, won't listen, won't, won't, won't. like it.

so, my point is, maybe i shouldn't be going there to see them anymore. it's the place for spirits, not for souls. it doesn't make me happy. which is what i need, says my little system. but to be truthful, so bloody truthful, it just makes me very sad.

mia"

Empty

The linden counter is empty! I was shopping, buying more hair, and a skin with very black eyes, and some more hair, and clothes (I found some really nice things), and all of a sudden, I couldn't buy any more. I still can't. I've been trying everywhere in the mall, but they say NO LINDENS every time. I don't know what's going on!

"dear diary,

i should be preparing tomorrow's class, yes, i've still got my job, thanks to the union, i should have been preparing, but i can't. i'm a bit upset.

little serval has been on a shopping spree. that's ok with me, i don't mind her having some fun, and i can afford it. but the things she's been buying... and she's wearing it, looking like some tramp. all black makeup, rags and nets. imagine me coming to class looking like that. sure, headmaster would like it, but the others would go picketing again. i mean, those people wouldn't even let me have the children dance.

i've stopped the fun, though. there will be no more money for serval for a while. once she starts showing interest in pink underwear, there will be money for her again.

mia"

Ha, you can't fool me! I invented Mia, so she can't do such things to me. She doesn't exist. There are no humans, and especially no Mia. So there's something else wrong.

Events

I came to the club for another night of dancing. And, of course, to win today's next event. I had some new stuff from shopping to play with. Then, I had been to a concert during the day, well, some sort of concert, and had had to listen to some true rubbish. If you'd collect all the rubbish I have seen and heard so far, and that's a lot of rubbish, despite me still being quite young, then this concert would be crowned the Lord of Rubbish. So I was dying to hear some nice music again, at the Sanctuary.

But the night screwed up. The event was "Tie me up", all about wearing ropes, tape and handcuffs and things. And I couldn't do it. I tried to play along for a while, without using any of the bad things myself, but it was no good. I just left, quickly, without even saying cu to the others. The rest of the evening wasn't very fun.

Black

I've been shopping lately. Looking for new stuff, and ending upp in all sorts of shop. Like where everyone wears ears and tails. And places where they sell tanks. I don't mean the top kind of tanks, but the big metal ones with a long pipe sticking out. I seen places where everything they sell is dripping with blood. And shops full of ties.

So now I got a lot of new stuff. I've been choosing what I like, not what I need. And, oh, have I ended up with everything in black... And strange hair. I think I have started developing into who I want to be. Or, at least, what I'm going to be. Black, mainly.

I think I'm going to do something about my inventory now. Delete cheap and ugly stuff. Freebies. But that old problem of mine remains. I almost opened the Black Cat Avatar folder some time ago, but didn't really dare. What if it comes out?