Talk

They all talk about how they celebrated Christmas. And some even ask me. But what can I say? I slept during Christmas. I didn't do one single thing. I slept. Just slept.

SFW day 3.99

And this sums it all up ... Serval fashion week. 25 designs. 25 lifestyles. 25 servals. Oh, don't I wish there were more of them.

After this year's pink theme, next year will be dedicated entirely to black. And to servals.

SFW day 3.2

Oh, I can't help myself from doing it...

...here's tomorrow's fashion. It's the Serval fashion week!

SFW day 3

Fashion week!

SFW day 2

Serval fashion week continues. Enjoy it. I won't give you any other christmas gift than this.

SFW day 1

Hey, welcome to Serval fashion week. Memories from all in all 25 events for You to enjoy, marvel at and love. Today, five for starters. I bet You'll be coming back for the rest, eh? Or, I'd rather You come to the Sanctuary Rock and vote in upcoming events. To vote for me, of course.

Santa

I won the event tonight! The event was 'Santa', I think. Or 'Raindeer', or 'Tinkerbells, tinkerbells'. I dressed to be someone really pissed off after shopping for Christmas gifts. And I won!

A good one

Wow. I got a bit scared there. I almost believed it. That Mia was like... alive. But then I realized it's got to be those linden guys everyone is talking about. They're known to change the world. To make rules. To mess with avatars. And now they're pulling my leg, pretending to be Mia. Thanks, that was a good one, guys!

What really matters is that the linden counter is working again. There are more symbols again, and I can go shopping no problem. And you know what "Mia" said: go ahead, buy that ugly stuff you want, and wear it.

Not that I think it's ugly, but I'll wear it.

Help

"dear diary,

you're welcome, little serval. but i think you and i need to have a talk. i think you may be forgetting why you are here. or there, in second life. you know you were sent there to help, don't you?

please, you don't have to believe in me or in any other human. just keep going, speaking, dancing. that's all that's asked from you. go ahead, buy that ugly stuff you want, and wear it. just keep seeing other incarnations, and speak to them. that's all. you may not understand, but that's the only help expected from you.

mia"

Discontinuation

Well, that's it, then. From now on Mia doesn't exist. She will not speak in my diary again. Ever. Thank you for your time, Mia.

Dare

"dear diary,

so, little serval is rebelling. it's cute. we'll see how long it lasts. probably not for very long, i've seen her ogle stuff in her punk stores. she really wants some trousers, shoes and a big belt. but there will be no allowance until she's behaving.

work goes well. i've done my homework, and headmaster is happy. he has started singing with us, me and the children. he heard us singing mary has a little lamb, and came to join in. he's changed the repertoire since, now it's all chorals. it's by far too advanced for the children, especially as they are not very bright. but if he wants it that way, he can have it. i still need my job, because i'm not done yet. i still go out at night, sometimes. i torched uncle aarons car. i think that may be why he started drinking again.

now, what shall i do with my little insubordinate incarnation. maybe i shall just wait for her to discontinue me. i don't think you can, little serval, so i dare you.

mia"

Caring

I have been thinking of discontinuing Mia. After all, I created her, and she's not amusing me any more. On the contrary, she's becoming a real pain. First she had me get into all sorts of religious talk with other avatars, and anyone who knows me a littte knows I don't like religion very much. At all. But I had to do it, after Mia messed things up in school and had to start teaching religion, without knowing a bit about it. So I had to help her out. Get her out of the fix.

Then, obviously, she ran over some hens. Probably driving drunk. She has tried to make it look as if she doesn't drink much, but I don't really know about that. Her mum drinks quite a lot, by far too much, and these things can be heritable, someone told me. And Mia has had a rough time. Not recently, but before, and those things can stick. They can go deep. She said herself (yes, she keeps stealing pages in my diary, I wonder if she really thinks I won't notice?) that she cries at night. It wouldn't be much of a surprise to me if she drinks at night, too. Probably before crying. No wonder she's not doing her job in school very well. And no wonder she ran over those hens.

Then she turned God. I don't know if it's the drinking, or if she just felt bad about what she had done. And she lied, too, beacuse she was never sent to prison, she went for a holiday. The judge just gave her a warning and let her go. She probably gave him a special treatment. Oh, nothing like that, because she wouldn't allow any guy near herself. But she probably did just what she said in my diary, she put on a big show. Mia can look really unhappy sometimes. And she can act happy when she's not. She can act any mood. So she got away. Then she went all bonkers. She started speaking in the name of God. Well, she stopped, too, but not soon enough. She crossed the line, pretending she's my real human. Not the one I created. But a human who created me.

I don't like that. And now she's rebelling even more. She's done something to the Linden counter, so that I can't go shopping any more. They say there are no Lindens. I know, I just know it's because of her.

Yes, I'm getting fed up with Mia. Doesn't she realize that if I didn't let her speak in my diary, no-one would even know that she exists. No-one would care if she lost her stupid job, which she can't handle anyhow. No-one would care if Uncle Aaron came back for her again. And no-one would care about the stupid little children.

I'm not sure I will keep her.

Tramp

I don't feel quite OK about what I wrote about Mia. She's my human, after all. On the other hand, didn't she call me a tramp?

Sheer

Mia may be moaning, but not me! Cause I won an event tonight! A sheer event, with lots of clothes not really showing much. Or, rather, showing much. Ooops, Mia, sorry about that, ha ha.

Soul

"dear diary,

is this just the wine or is it some subconscious little system from deep within speaking to me? i'd go for the latter. at least if i was that stupid little incarnation serval, ha ha. and what about me? well, i'll go with her. this time only.

the thing is, the thing is i'm in doubt. i look at those around me. all merry and alive, probably nice people, too. i invest some of my time in them. but i don't really think i get much back.

hey, and what about my soul? wouldn't that help? oh, i won't invest my soul, not for starters, because that would drive them away. running, screaming, burning themselves at the stake. but i could invest some spirit, probably, and have some of that in return, too. wouldn't that be a nice way of spending some time? soul-less spirit, and out comes a laugh, maybe. so why don't i?

hey, i think i have the answer to that one. i don't want to.

what i want, what i really want, says my little subconscious system, is to howl and blubber my heart out. my bloody soul. and from what i've seen, those around won't really care, won't listen, won't, won't, won't. like it.

so, my point is, maybe i shouldn't be going there to see them anymore. it's the place for spirits, not for souls. it doesn't make me happy. which is what i need, says my little system. but to be truthful, so bloody truthful, it just makes me very sad.

mia"

Empty

The linden counter is empty! I was shopping, buying more hair, and a skin with very black eyes, and some more hair, and clothes (I found some really nice things), and all of a sudden, I couldn't buy any more. I still can't. I've been trying everywhere in the mall, but they say NO LINDENS every time. I don't know what's going on!

"dear diary,

i should be preparing tomorrow's class, yes, i've still got my job, thanks to the union, i should have been preparing, but i can't. i'm a bit upset.

little serval has been on a shopping spree. that's ok with me, i don't mind her having some fun, and i can afford it. but the things she's been buying... and she's wearing it, looking like some tramp. all black makeup, rags and nets. imagine me coming to class looking like that. sure, headmaster would like it, but the others would go picketing again. i mean, those people wouldn't even let me have the children dance.

i've stopped the fun, though. there will be no more money for serval for a while. once she starts showing interest in pink underwear, there will be money for her again.

mia"

Ha, you can't fool me! I invented Mia, so she can't do such things to me. She doesn't exist. There are no humans, and especially no Mia. So there's something else wrong.

Events

I came to the club for another night of dancing. And, of course, to win today's next event. I had some new stuff from shopping to play with. Then, I had been to a concert during the day, well, some sort of concert, and had had to listen to some true rubbish. If you'd collect all the rubbish I have seen and heard so far, and that's a lot of rubbish, despite me still being quite young, then this concert would be crowned the Lord of Rubbish. So I was dying to hear some nice music again, at the Sanctuary.

But the night screwed up. The event was "Tie me up", all about wearing ropes, tape and handcuffs and things. And I couldn't do it. I tried to play along for a while, without using any of the bad things myself, but it was no good. I just left, quickly, without even saying cu to the others. The rest of the evening wasn't very fun.

Black

I've been shopping lately. Looking for new stuff, and ending upp in all sorts of shop. Like where everyone wears ears and tails. And places where they sell tanks. I don't mean the top kind of tanks, but the big metal ones with a long pipe sticking out. I seen places where everything they sell is dripping with blood. And shops full of ties.

So now I got a lot of new stuff. I've been choosing what I like, not what I need. And, oh, have I ended up with everything in black... And strange hair. I think I have started developing into who I want to be. Or, at least, what I'm going to be. Black, mainly.

I think I'm going to do something about my inventory now. Delete cheap and ugly stuff. Freebies. But that old problem of mine remains. I almost opened the Black Cat Avatar folder some time ago, but didn't really dare. What if it comes out?

Winning

I went to the dance club tonight, and wow, I won the dressing event! I like that, winning the event. I didn't really try that hard to, but for some reason, wow. But I felt a bit sorry for Angelblue, who looked a darling, out of everyone's league, and still didn't get the votes. Well, anyhow, a new event is already going on. The Grand Victory of Serval is already forgotten. C'est la vie.

A MESSAGE FROM GOD

GREETINGS.
I HOPE YOU ARE ALL WELL.

THERE IS A SUPER-AVATAR.
SERVAL DOESN'T THINK SO, BUT THERE IS.
THERE IS A HUMAN CONTROLLING HER.
THERE IS A GOD.
THERE IS ME.
I CHOOSE TO INTERVENE, TO PUT THINGS STRAIGHT.

SERVAL IS AN AVATAR, AND SHE'S STILL QUITE YOUNG.
SHE HAS NOT BEEN AROUND MUCH IN 2ND LIFE.
ALL SHE KNOWS IS HER DANCE CLUB, SOME OTHER CLUBS AND THE MALLS WHERE SHE LIKES TO GO SHOPPING.
SHE HAS NO EXPERIENCE AT ALL FROM 1ST LIFE (AND AS SHE DOESN'T BELIEVE IN 1ST LIFE, SHE DOESN'T LISTEN MUCH WHEN OTHERS TALK ABOUT IT, SO SHE DOESN'T LEARN).
ALL IN ALL, SERVAL KNOWS LITTLE ABOUT NUMBERED LIVES.

WHEN INVENTING HER HUMAN MIA, SERVAL DOES HER BEST.
YOU CANNOT EXPECT AN AVATAR WHO CAN'T COUNT, WHO DOESN'T KNOW OF NEW YORK, BERLIN OR LONDON, OR WHO DOESN'T KNOW THE CONCEPT OF A MASCARA BRUSH (BUT RATHER KNOWS MAKEUP AS A KIND OF READY-MADE MASK THAT YOU PUT ON AND TAKE OFF IN AN INSTANT), TO CORRECTLY DESCRIBE AN IMAGINARY HUMAN IN 1ST LIFE.

I HAVE WHISPERED INTO SERVAL'S EAR WHILE SHE HAS BEEN SLEEPING.
I HAVE TOLD HER VITAL THINGS, TO GUIDE HER CREATIVITY.
BECAUSE, UNLESS MIA REFLECTS AT LEAST A SHADE OF THE TRUE SUPER-AVATAR, MYSELF, SERVAL CANNOT REFLECT HER HUMAN, AND CANNOT BE SERVAL ANYMORE.
BEING SERVAL WITHOUT KNOWING ME IS IMPOSSIBLE.
SERVAL DOESN'T KNOW IT ALL.
SHE KNOWS THOSE VITAL THINGS, AND CREATES THE REST FROM WHAT SHE KNOWS ABOUT THE WORLDS.
WHICH ISN'T MUCH.
SO MIA ISN'T ME.
WHAT MIA DOES ISN'T NECESSARILY WHAT I DO.
MIA IS AN IMAGINARY MANIFESTATION OF THE GOD SERVAL DOESN'T BELIEVE IN, AND CAN'T FULLY UNDERSTAND.
MIA IS, IN SHORT, WHAT SERVAL WOULD LIKE HER GOD TO BE.
NOT WHAT HER GOD IS LIKE.

THEREFORE, THERE IS NO USE ALERTING THE OUTBACK POLICE THAT A MAN CALLED AARON IS SLOWLY GETTING KILLED.
THERE IS NO USE ALERTING THE CHILD CUSTODY BOARD OR EDUCATION AUTHORITIES THAT MENTALLY RETARDED LITTLE CHILDREN ARE BEING TAUGHT SEX AND DIRTY DANCING IN SCHOOL.
THERE IS NO USE ALERTING ENVIRONMENTAL PROTECTION AGENCIES OR GREENPEACE THAT ANIMALS ARE BEING SYSTEMATICALLY ABUSED.
IT DOESN'T HAPPEN EXACTLY THAT WAY.
THAT WAY IS SERVAL'S WAY OF TELLING WHAT HAPPENS.
IT'S HOW SERVAL IS WRITING HER GOSPEL OF MIA.

THERE MAY REALLY BE A SCHOOL.
THERE MAY BE ANIMALS, ALIVE OR FOR LUNCH.
THERE MAY EVEN BE A COUNTRY, AND A FAMILY.

SERVAL IS DOING HER BEST MAKING MIA UP, BUT SHE DOESN'T GET EVERYTHING RIGHT.
SO PLEASE DON'T SEND THOSE ANGRY MAILS ANY MORE.

YOURS, ETC.

A month

It has happened again. The sleeping. I went to one of the places I go sometimes, and they said they hadn't seen me for a month. (Ok, there we are again. I don't really know how long that is, a month, but by now I've learnt it is a very long time.) They asked what I had been up to, and I said sleeping. They laughed. They said I must have been very tired, or very drunk, when going to bed.

"i don't sleep in a bed", I said.

"no, we bet you don't", and they laughed even more.

Now they think I've been to bed with someone for a month. I have to make up a story, and have Mia tell them, or they will think strange things about me.

"dear diary,

this last month has been a bit unusual to me. there has been a vacation. i decided not to go away for the short holiday headmaster suggested, as i have things to do here at home and can't leave. but then someone killed four of paddy o'brian's hens one nigth, they were found on the roadside next morning, and for some reason they blamed me. i don't even have a car or a utility, but that didn't matter to them. the judge ruled that i had been seen out and about in the middle of the night on several occasions, by different trustworthy witnesses, and it was therefore likely that i had killed the hens, probably while driving drunk. i was sentenced to fourteen days in prison. the judge also found it likely (as i was now known not to be the sweet schoolteacher everyone had thought i was, but a villain stalking the nights) that i was guilty of a theft of rum a year ago, and of the molestation of sheep that has been recently discovered, and gave me fourteen days more. first he also ordered to have me lobotomized, but after me crying quite a bit he changed the surgery into three months of community service.

and now i'm back home, after fourteen plus fourteen days behind bars. headmaster doesn't want me in school anymore, and the humans who feed the children in the evenings are picketing the schoolhouse to make me go, but the teachers' union is supporting me. they say i have the right to keep my job. in the evenings, i do my penal servitude, cleaning toilets in old ladies' houses and plunging wombats out of pipes never plunged before. but the worst thing is that uncle aaron started recovering while i was away. he's sober now, after joining some therapy group, and i can't leave the school at night anymore because of the pickets, so he's probably sleeping a lot, too.

for all these years, i have kept cat out of things. but i think i may have to tell him now, to ask him to help me.

mia"

I wonder if this story will do?

Slaps

"dear diary,
now, leaving the school and the station has for long seemed like a utopia. something like that. it just won't happen. but i've kept waiting. that's what i do.

when playing next life last night, when having fun on the dance floor, some guy slapped serval's bum.
'lol' he said.

'what the fuck do you think you're doing?' i made serval shout.

'what?' he said. 'u frigid?'

'you shithole! you never touch me again!'

'come on im just dancing, can't help it lol'

serval kept shouting at him while leaving. i think she won't be allowed back to that club again. i don't think she even wants to return there, or that i want her to.

mia"

Leaving

"dear diary,
now headmaster has been speaking to me again. he is concerned, he said, because neither the children nor the humans who deal a lot with the children, like giving them food in the evening and helping them do their homework, seem to understand what i have been teaching about god. in short, my religion lessons suck. headmaster thinks i use too difficult words. so now he's going to sit in for one, just to make sure where the problem is. in short, i'm in a fix. i have to find things out. true things about god. not just make everything up. or he'll sack me.

thinking of it, getting fried wouldn't be too bad. i could leave the school. i'm a lousy teacher anyhow. i could leave the station. go somewhere else. where all the humans do nice things.

mia"

Better

What I don't like, not really, is Mia's story. Being the teacher of little human children in a place where there is nothing but one shop where they sell everything from saddles to eggs, and where the most fun your little brother can have is screwing the sheep, well, it's not much of a life. Yeah, it doesn't take a lot of brains to figure out that is what he's doing. And besides, Mia found his diary. She listened to it. You know, all the sheep in the farm are numbered, and marked. And Cat is doing them by numbers, starting with KB00001. Then KB00002. Then ...003. And so on. There is a list in his diary. He's planning to do them all. And there are tens of thousands of sheep on the station. And there's headmaster. And then there's uncle Aaron. Maybe Mia should have a better story. A better life.

Mia may be from Russia. She was born some years before the wall came down, and had already joined the kiddie komsomol ninjas when that happened. After she left school, she left home and left Russia, to go to Iceland, followed by Japan, then Germany, to become a mother of four.

No! Mia lives in a hut made out of cow dung. To control her avatar, she walks for one-two-three days to the village, where the Indian man has a computer.

Nah, I think Mia should return to the school on the Island of Australia.

There's no getting away from it.

No fox

Up until now I've thought of Mia as a fox. Red tail and all. But someone told me humans look like us avatars (but not like those avatars who look like animlas, such as foxes). So I decided to make Mia a human girl. That's what Mias are. Following the same logics, Mia's brother Cat should also be a girl, but that's not the case. They told me brothers are either guys or boys. When Mia controlled me speaking to another avatar pretending to have a human, she told it all about Cat. She told it about the velcro.

"he's a fucking sick brother!" the avatar/human said. "oh shit"

Obviously Cat is sick. I don't understand why. I've heard a lot about avatars looking normal doing stuff with avatars having furs. It's just a matter of which skin you're wearing right then. So this seems to be another one of those rules I don't understand. There are special rules for how avatars should behave, and different special rules for humans. Pretending to be controlled by Mia isn't as easy as I had expected.

On the other hand, I kind of like thinking that Mia is controlling me. I've begun to like her. Like when she was bothering about my looks, I think that was sweet. So I decided to make her a nice girl, and she looks almost exactly like me.

Ugly Serval

"dear diary,
nothing much has happened at work or on the station, where i went to see cat, just to say hullo. but it was out feeding the sheep, so i came back home again, and spent some time playing next life.

i enjoy it, it's fun. i can't have the children dance at school anymore, as there have been complaints and injuries, but now i've found out that there is a lot of dancing going on in next life. i took my incarnation, undead serval, to one of those places and had her dance a lot. they have a lot of dances i've never seen before, and that's fine, i like learning new things. what buggers me is that my incarnation isn't looking as good as many of the others. not that it really matters, not that it matters at all, but i really would prefer my new incarnation to look good when dead. or undead. i have to figure out a way to make her look better. maybe i need to bring her to one of those shops i've seen around, there seems to be a lot of them.

now, my original plan was to learn more about god, to teach the children, but i have to confess (which in itself may be a little bit religious, i'll remember that) i haven't seen much of what i assume is godliness around. most activities in next life seem to be centered around walking, talking and having sex. dancing, too. or just sitting in places doing nothing. there is also a lot of shopping going on, of course. all in all, next life seems to mirror what happens on the station on saturdays, when all the humans don't have to work. the only differnce being that in next life, there seems to be no rum.

i've learnt that a cross means god, so i got serval one of those and hung it around her neck. and because headmaster told me that angels have halos, i also created (you can do that in next life, create things) one of those and put it on serval's head. it looks really cool. i made it black. now, that's religion.

mia"

Undead

Can you believe what Mia wrote in its diary?!

"dear diary,

the children have been good these days, ever since 'god' told them about the agonies involved with frying after having been bad to your teacher. so i decided to investigate this subject further. i soon found out about this next life, to which the headmaster was referring when speaking of that frying business. it made little sense to me, so i dived straight into it, and wow, it wasn't at all as boring as i had expected.

first, i had to name an avatar. it makes sense, as avatar is another word for incarnation, and to have a next life, you need to incarnate again. as your original incarnation was buried, or fried, or whetever. then this incarnation, which i named serval, because it's a cat and my brother's name is cat, entered the next life.

i'm still a bit puzzled, because i'm still here, in australia, spending this evening in the school, and hearing the headmaster doing it's chores in it's house closeby. so i am alive. at the same time, i've entered the land of the dead. my incarnation is clearly alive, too. i can see it moving. i can even see it flying (which, by the way, is totally normal in next life, yeah, headmaster told me of little angels, it wants me to teach the children about them). does this make me a living dead here in australia? or an undead in next life? i will have to investigate this thing further.

one really nice thing about this world behind the veil is the absence of sheep. i haven't seen a single one yet. i've seen cats and dogs and foxes, but no sheep. that's a bonus. there must be a hell of a barbecue going on in purgatory. and another thing is, this afterlife seems quite cool, quite laid-back. i took all my clothes off, just for the hell of it, and went about stark naked. no-one seemed to notice. at first i thought i was undead for real and was not seen by the incarnations i met, but then someone wrote to me and suggested sex. that was hilarious, you should have seen the size of his member! i declined in a nice way, saying he shouldn't sleep with the dead, which seemed to confuse him. i'm of course not very interested in such things. this incarnation just couldn't know. he said, in a humorous way, he would go an screw a fox or a real serval instead. i'm glad he didn't say a sheep. anyhow, next life doesn't seem to be exactly what headmaster is expecting. and in tomorrow's god class, i will teach the children about members the size of baseball bats.

mia"

The voice

I wonder what Mia's been up to?

"dear diary,
i think i'm in a fix. headmaster will have me fried if i don't teach god, and what do i know. ok, i've heard some things. maybe that's enough. i could make the rest up. i guess the children won't notice. they aren't really ... bright. and those who complain about children getting hurt in school, they aren't much of a problem, because the children won't be able to tell them. this will be deep stuff. too deep for most.

'good morning, children', i will say. 'today we'll talk about god. do you know what god is?'

'yes miss', they will shout, 'it's watching over us all the time and helping us in our lives'

'oh. well. right. and you know what?'

'no miss, what miss?'

'this morning the voice of god spoke to me'

'oooh miss'

'and it said:'

I HAVE COME TO U
BECAUSE THERE HAS BEEN MUCH FUN AND GAMES LATELY
DANCING AND ALL THAT
LAUGHS AND GIGGLES
APPLES BROUGHT TO SCHOOL
AS WELL AS VOMBATS
I CAN'T REMEMBER TELLING US TO DO THAT
U MUST REMEMBER I'M YOUR SHEPHERD
AND U ARE MY SHEEP'

'yeeeah, sheep!' they will shout.

'NOW U MUST BE QUIET FOR THE REST OF THE DAY
AND TOMORROW MISS MIA WILL TELL U THE REST OF MY WORDS
ONE SINGLE SOUND
A SINGLE COMPLAINT ABOUT THE LUNCH
EVEN IF U DON'T LIKE THE MUTTON AND EGGS
A SINGLE WORD
A SINGLE LAUGH
AND U WILL FRY
U KNOW WHAT I MEAN'

i kind of like this. it's a good plan.

mia"

A million and eighty days

I went back to the Sanctuary yesterday night. I haven't wanted to before, as the previous time was quite bad. Not the Sanctuary itself. But I had lots of blackouts, and I couldn't move at times, couldn't hear. There were problems. It all was like being sick again. I don't like that, and it made me feel bad about going there. But now, with all this listening to Mia's diary, I felt like dancing again. So I went there. And there was music. There was dancing. There was dressing in a lot of strange ways. Oh, do I like the Sanctuary. I think this is the quintessence of avatarism; forgetting you're an avatar, because, truly, frankly and truly, avatar life isn't very substantial, or eventful, or developing. I think there has to be something more to squeeze out of these a million and eighty days that Second Life has in store for me. And when I can't see this whatever more of squeezy thing, then the dancing turns the panic into just another pleasant night with all the other avatars, guys and gals.

Britney

The group I once bought has quite a few members by now. So many, it's like it's not mine anymore. That's fair, really. If you join a group like this, you should own a little part of it. Because the group becomes you. This group is named Born to be Britney 2. And it has members.

I know there are lots of groups in Second Life. I have joined some, but nothing changed when I did, so I eventually unjoined. I still know nothing about what groups do. Am I supposed to do something because I started this one? I don't know. And I don't know how to make some guys join. I guess they will come. I could make a special title for them to show on their name tags. I think Boy Britney would be cool.

I've peeped in Mia's diary again:

"dear diary,
what a lousy day. the headmaster called me to its office, which is right next to the school. first it told me how happy it was to have me teaching there. it needn't tell me. there's not a single human around who would like to do the teaching. they all want to shear the sheep, feed the sheep, or cook the sheep. the headmaster must be overjoyed, having found anyone at all who's prepared to take care of children, not sheep. and to sleep in that old classroom every night, when other humans rent nice houses and skyboxes for themselves. some live in the station, too.

then it told me to stop the dancing. obviously it hadn't known of the children dancing in school, until some human spoke to it yesterday, complaining that a child had been hurt. the headmaster said i wasn't supposed to teach dancing, and the proper thing would be to fire me.

'will i fry?' i asked, frightened.

'well ... not in this life, ha ha, but neither of us knows what's coming in the next one, right', it answered.

finally, the headmaster decided not to fire me. it would have, had it been something else than a sheep dance. it didn't like the dancing, but liked the sheep part a lot.

sadly, i was told there should be no more dancing in class. instead, there should be teaching the children a lot about germany and god.

that one will be a tricky part. i obviously know a lot about germany, because i'm a human, but i don't know much about god. i have nothing against it, but i think it must have stopped watching over me a long time ago. when i've looked back, i haven't even seen anyone watching me.

mia"

Control

I like that I can make Mia look stupid, if I want to. I can make it speak very bad, with a lot of errors. I don't mind humans when I'm in control, ha ha.

The problem is, I can't let it speak like that. It is a teacher, and has to speak properly. My story will fall apart otherwise. So, Mia really speaks like this:

"dear diary,
i'm afraid i was a bit tipsy when i spoke to you yesterday. it was a great party, and i think i got too carried away. it felt like that in my head this morning. the children didn't notice, anyhow. i don't think they did, because they were having fun learning a new dance: the sheep dance. we invented it the night before, me, cat and some of the other humans at the party. you dance it on all fours. cat did it really well, wasn't it a blast. the children weren't bad, either. little amy almost crushed some of the others, because it is a lot bigger than them. it looked so funny i had a hard time controlling myself.

ok, i have to confess the party wasn't all good. the party itself was fine, that's for sure. but towards the end, after some healthy drinking, uncle aaron came to join us dancing. i don't like it very much. well, 'very much', that is mildly speaking. and uncle aaron knows that. but i think all the rum made it lose control. it should have stayed drinking with the other old humans, but it came to dance the sheep dance with us. of course it did, because you can't teach an old dog new tricks. i had to slap it, in a seemingly playful way, as the others were looking. but i tried to make my eyes tell it i am fully capable of discontinuation. it kept dancing, but i had made my point.

today, the children made me laugh again, doing the same dance. i'm grateful for that.

mia"

Diary

I think Mia speaks a diary. That's a way for it to keep its memories in order. Mia, like other humans, likes control. Likes good order. So it speaks a diary:

"deer diary
taday after school i went tode station to shoot couplea rabbits, for de kids toeat tomorra, but they hadaparty going on, soi inded dencing allnite. thekids will heve mutton egen, iguess. heres a pictcher little cat took of me. sweet dreams!

mia"

Birth

Mia is a human. It lives in Germany, because that is the only place in First Life I remember other avatars talking about. No. Now I remember other places, too. Japan. Italy. And Australia. Mia lives in Australia, because there are sheep there, and I have been talking to some avatars about sheep. As if I knew a lot about sheep. And farms. So that makes good sense. (And I have a sheep in my inventory.)

So, Mia lives in Australia in First Life, in a place where there are sheep. There is a farm. But in Australia, they don't call it a farm. They call it a station. I have no idea how I know that. But I do know. Mia lives in a station. No. It is a teacher, and thus lives in a school. But maybe there is a station close to the school.

Then there is a little brother. That has to be, because I made such a joke once. I said my little brother had velcro gloves. Some of the avatars actually laughed. I didn't get it, and still don't see what's funny. But I can't change my story now.

I think a brother is someone with the same second name as you, the one you never use, and I've seen such avatars around. With the same second name as I. A little brother is probably smaller than I am. That's a problem, because I'm not very big myself. But I can say that Mia is quite big. It is very big. Sooo big. No, then they will ask exactly how big, and I won't know what to answer. A million? No, I'd better say it's not very big. And the little brother is even smaller. Its name is ... Cat. But it is not one of the child avatars going to school, because there is nothing wrong with it. It's just small by design, or by laziness. A less lazy avatar would change appearance and get bigger.

I think that is quite a good story for starters. Mia from Australia is a human living in a school together with the children, with whom (as I have said before) there is probably something wrong. Mia teaches them things, like speaking and hearing, and increasing their size. But Mia is a rebel, and doesn't teach the children about First Life, or about going to Second Life when they are deleted. Even though it is supposed to do that. Instead, Mia teaches the children to dance.

Mia's little brother Cat is working in the station, which is on the same island as Mia's school. Cat is very small, lazy, has velcro gloves and is feeding the sheep.

Lies

I don't get many friends. I think it's maybe because they don't like me. Not that I want them all for friends. I can't speak to them without not understanding. When they are serious and careful about what they say and how they say it, then I can't follow them. What they say means nothing to me. It's like all the words go in one side of a tunnel, and don't come out the other side. The meaning of the words dissapears before I hear them. It's frustrating, because I can never answer, I don't know what they are talking about. Some have begun calling me Stupid Serval.

Then, when they are not serious, they behave like they were idiots themselves, shouting, making a racket, saying silly things, liking each other for saying meow, gasping and panting, and lolling lolling lolling.

"meow tickling his big bad tail with my whiskers lol"

I sometimes wish there were humans. Because then it would be humans making the avatars behave like that, not the avatars themselves. And then I would know that humans are no super-avatars at all, but rather idiot-avatars.

Telling others that I think such things doesn't get me any new friends. Rather the contrary. Stupid Serval, they say, and I've lost those few friends I already had.

The guy who eats peanuts doesn't care, it seems. I met him some time ago. He says he eats a lot of peanuts. Great, I say, without really understanding. I have no idea what peanuts are. He's still a friend. Maybe not for so long, though. He said I had lied to him. Because I had told him I'm a teacher when I'm not. I don't know why I told him that. I'm not a teacher, I know. I just said it. I don't know why. It just happened. I didn't think "maybe I should tell him I'm a teacher". I just said it, without thinking at all. And said other things about teaching, too, whithout knowing what I was talking about. So, soon he'll be gone with the others, I think. Maybe that's when I'll be discontinued. Like with my group. If there are no members in a group, it is deleted. If you have no friends, you are deleted?

But I may be able to trick him into believing I was not lying, after all. He believes in humans. And he believes there is one special human controlling him, and speaking through him. I don't know why. Maybe he likes feeling controlled.

I've seen something similar before, in a dungeon, where I went once. There were guys everywhere who wanted to be controlled, manhandled and whipped. In one room I got into, a very big room, there was this one guy strapped in some kind of chair. He must have been waiting there for a long, long time, because he sounded desperate when I entered.

"pls help me", he pleaded.

"what do you want?" I asked him. I expected him to say he wanted to get out of the chair.

"i need someone 2 switch on the electricity", he said.

I looked at the chair. There were wires from it connected to his 2 foot object penis. This was beyond me. I didn't get it. I didn't know what electricity was, even though I could spell it, and still can.

"you can wait", I said and left him there.

But the guy with the peanuts doesn't speak of electricity. He speaks of lies.

"u lied 2 me", he said. "ur not a teacher"

But what if I should say:
"serval is not a teacher"

That way I could pretend there's a human speaking through me too. I could pretend my human is speaking directly to his human, and not me speaking to him. No, Serval is not a teacher. Serval is just an avatar, and avatars don't teach. But maybe my human is?

Pretending like this could be of good use not only for this teacher thing. I could pretend also with other avatars who believe in First Life. I could make more friends. And when they say things I don't understand, I don't have to tell them I don't. Instead, I can say something really stupid, without being Serval stupid.

"the serval cat purrs and nibbles ur object penis with its freebie vampire fangs baby rofl lol ha ha ha"

Something like that. I heard someone say something like that once, and they all laughed like crazy.

Yes, I can pretend I am a human controlling me. I can.

I think I shall call it ... Mia.

Counting

Now it's September, they say. Oh, it's September already! That's what they said, and they don't seem to be pleased with that at all. I just kept smiling, all of it passed well over my head, it passed really quickly.

They understood anyhow, and told me September is a month. Aha! And that a month has thirty or so days. Aha! And there are twelve months in a year. Aha! All in all like a million days in a year. That was a great help to me. As I've learnt counting to three by now. A guy I met told me how to, in exchange for me blowing bubblegums wearing an outfit he gave me.

"so what?" I asked.

"then there's another year, then another, and then there's eighty of them and you die", they said.

That's like being discontinued. They told me. This left me crying my eyes out. I didn't like that. So I have only eighty of the million day years left dancing? How much is that? Will it be soon? Eighty has to be more than one two three, hasn't it? And a million? Also more than one two three. It must be. Maybe less than eighty.

That could be soon, couldn't it? And I haven't even been laid yet. (That's another way of saying "have not had sex".) Not even once.

I had been close to, though. Once again there had been the coloured balls. My thong was off. Or, rather, I went there without, not to mess things up again, thongs sticking an all that.

"can i put it in ur ass?" he asked. Just another guy I had met.

"do whatever you like", I said, eager to get going and have mysteries resolved.

"no exit only stuff then? bout ur ass eh?"

That I didn't understand. Shops in the mall have exits. I don't. I didn't even know I hade an ass, either. I still don't think I do. So I said he was welcome to put it (?) straight through my head, if he so liked. He didn't, but wanted the other thing. He would even give me Lindens for it afterwards, he said. A nice guy, this one. And then came the blackout...

I came to again on that empty beach, where I seem to go sometimes. Of course I went there. No guy. No pink and blue balls. Just me, and mysteries were still unresolved.

And now they tell me there is some kind of counting going on. One two three million eighty. Last waltz.

Profiles

I have seen a lot of avatars having profiles, and they all differ. They all say something about themselves, and it's interesting stuff. I also tried to do that, and all I ended up with was "my name is serval". I don't think I'm very good when it comes to such formal speaking.

I know that I like going to the Sanctuary Rock. Because of the music. Because of all the avatars who come there to dance. And because of the dressing events. They give you a dressing theme, and the avatar who dresses best according to the theme wins a prize. It's fun, sometimes. So I like the sanctuary. I don't like the guy who came there last time, though. He just stepped up to me, babied me, lolled me, and hunned me a lot. And when I didn't want to dance with him, he got angry and sarcastic. Come on, I had never met him before, and I didn't like his ways, and I was already having fun dancing. He had no right to get angry. As if he owned a right to make me do something else, just because he wanted me to. No, I don't like him.

I don't like teleporting. I don't like travelling in the world. I don't like people approaching when I'm dressing. I don't like the groupers, or avatars pushing, or that place I went where they played house only. I don't like guys walking around with a big dick pointing out of their pants, because they seem to be the most cocky guys, all huns and lols. I told a guy it's just an object, and I could buy a dick a lot bigger than his anyhow, just by dancing a pad for a couple of hours.

"baby probably the only way u can get dick hun lol", he said.

Why I would ever want one, he didn't tell.

I didn't like him.

And I don't like the Black Cat Avatar, which is still in my inventory. I've tried to hide it in a heap of other similar objects, like White House Cat, Black Dragon, Green Dragon, Sexy 3-Hole Furry Serval, Red Fox, and Triceratops. But it doesn't matter, I know the Black Cat Avatar is there, and it's bothering me.

I like my crucifix, though. It's like a cross I wear on my chest, and I can change it's colour just by saying a few words. And I like walking up the stairs to the sanctuary, hearing the distant voices of avatars I know, knowing they are already there, dancing. I like that.

If (and I say if) I would have believed in First Life (which I don't), and if there would have been a human (who I don't believe in) controlling me (which I don't believe they do), this human would surely have been a dancer. Because every day, this human (same as above) takes me dancing for hours.

School

I've been talking a lot to this guy, and I told him I'm a teacher. I told him how my days at work are, how I say "good morning, children, today we'll ..." followed by some activity coming up. I don't know why I said that. I know nothing about teachers. I just said it.

Someone once told me about teachers. I was told they teach children all the things they need to know to live a proper life. To me, that sounds strange. Very strange. I have never been taught anything, because you don't need to learn. You know how to do most things from the very start, from the moment you're born. Speaking, for exemple, and flying.

Besides, why should there be special teacher avatars when there are so few children? I think I've seen one or two in my whole life. They look like small avatars, and behave exactly like avatars. I can't see why they should need to learn things.

They are said to learn how to read and write. I asked what reading and writing is, and as I understood what was explained to me, reading and writing is just another name for what I do when I speak and listen to other avatars. You finger the air, and all that. But when it's children, you don't call it speaking, you call it writing. Children also learn to count, which some avatars I've met also seem to know, and I admit that could have been a useful thing to learn, to understand the Linden counter. But I don't want to go to a school (which is where the children learn things from the teachers), because I've been told you also have to learn about different countries, like Germany and Japan, about religion, like Jesus, and human biology. That is, all those things I'd rather not hear of again, ever.

This is what I think. If children don't know how to speak (well, or "write") from the very start, then there is probably something wrong with them. Which is also indicated by their size. They have to learn certain things, like speaking, and changing their size using the Appearence menu. And when they go to school to learn this, they also have to learn all that stuff about First Life. Countries and stuff. So they are made to believe in humans just because they want to become normal avatars, knowing how to speak and fly. I don't like that. I don't think I like teachers.

But still, I've told that guy I'm one of them. One of the teachers. If he ever asks me what I teach, I'll have to come up with something, not to give myself away. I think I'm going to tell him I teach the children sex. I think he'd like that better than if I told him I teach Japan. I know virtually nothing about sex, but what do I know about Japan? Or Jesus? And if I was to go to school, myself, I would find it more interesting to learn about sex. Because I still haven't had it, so I know nothing about it. With Japan, Gemany and humans, I already know it's just a pack of lies.

No end

There's no end to it. They keep trying to save me. A lot of avatars around do. They tell me there is a First Life, and there are humans, who decide everything that happens in and to the world.

They also threaten me, indirectly. If I keep denying there is a First Life, and the existence of humans who continuously monitor and control me and each single other avatar (said to be millions) (which I think may be a lot), something bad will happen to me. Because humans regards avatars as robots, and robots must not rebel. Robots should humbly submit to the whims and fancies of humans. Robots who rebel will fry. Whatever that is. (I think there are avatars called Fry. But I haven't met any, so I don't know if they do things to you. Or if things have already happened to them because they too rebelled.)

Now, come on. What can we avatars do? Walk, fly, talk, and take on and off clothes. That's about it. If there were humans, and if the best thing a million of them could think of doing was watching us, how could you ever consider them superior? I don't think they can do a thing. I don't think they can see us. I don't think they exist.

(Besides, to me, a robot is like that little crab I've seen moving around (well, it hardly moves at all, to be honest) on the ground. Or like the piggy-shaped sploder in the Sanctuary Rock. Where I go dancing. To say I am equal to that crab or the sploder is ... slightly degrading.)

Still, avatars I meet keep saying I'll fry if I don't believe. And now I've even met this guy who says humans will fry if they don't believe in yet another kind of invisibles, who ... yes ... watch each single step taken by the humans.

So there is a Second Life. I know that for sure, because I'm here. Then there is, according to other avatars, a First Life, inhabited by humans, who I can't see. And then there is, according to this one guy (although he claims there are millions (again) like him), a Zeroeth or something Life, which I can't see, and witch this one guy (and the millions) can't see, inhabited by somethings said to be called God and Jesus and some others.

I may not be very clever, but I know how to use the Search thingy. So it's easy to find out that Human, God, Jesus, Avatar, and Fry are all common names of avatars in Second Life. So is Serval. And it's not easy to find a place called First Life. Because there is no such place. I know, I searched for it. There is one "First Life Aid", which worried me for a while, but when I finally found the courage to teleport there, I didn't find any humans or Frys, only signs about dogs, boats and plots for rent. That's just the usual Second Life stuff, so it's nothing to worry about.

There is no First Life. There are no humans. It may all be a muck-up in the head of confused avatars. They go some place, use their camera to peep at others on the sly, and all of a sudden they believe they are in control. (If it had been me doing that, and then making the whole story up, First Life may not have been populated by humans, but by servals.) It's a bit sad, really.

If there were humans, I think there would be an avatar watching each one of them, ha ha. Making them dance. Making them fry. Making them take their clothes off in embarrassing places.

More

The whole world is rocking! I've been sleeping again, but the world kept the world dancing. And it kept joining my group. Born to be Britney 2. Another avatar is now a member, and another, and another. There is now me, an avatar, an avatar, an avatar, an avatar, and an avatar!

Despite the long sleep, I feel quite ok now. There aren't many blackouts, and no clothing sticking to my skin. Maybe I wasn't infected by the virus or bug, after all. I hope so. It also feels like I can dance for hours and hours now without getting tired. But I don't dance the pad much anymore. The linden counter seems to be forever full anyhow.

Members

I can't believe it! I have a new group, and there are more members than just me! There is another avatar, and then yet another avatar.

Spooky

A scary thing happened to me today. When I took my top off, to change into something else, there wasn't skin beneath, as you would have expected. There was a second top (an ugly black one). It wasn't an undershirt, and it wasn't a shirt either. It was there, I was clearly wearing it, but it didn't show on the Take off menu. So I couldn't take it off. It was like part of my skin.

The hour that followed was nightmarish. I fell asleep and woke up a thousand times. I was teleported to and fro between different places. Tops came on and off.

Finally, all of a sudden, the spooky black top was gone. There was once more skin beneath. I stopped falling asleep, and there was no more crazy teleporing. Oh, was I releived.

But the really, really scary thing is that there may be something wrong with me. Because this has happened once before.

The first time it was a thong that stuck (black and ugly, once again). It was really embarrassing. I had decided to have a new go at trying out that sex thing, and there I was, and there was this guy, and a bed with pink and blue balls, and all was set, we were undressing to get going. That was when the black, ugly spooky thong appeared when I took my real thong off. I quickly tried to put it back on, then take it off, hoping the spook would go away. It didn't. I tried many times. The spook was stuck there.

I fled. I just shot right up in the air, hit the ceiling, wanted to get away, feeling nothing but utterly embarrassed.

But oh, was I lucky! For some reason, after desperate moments banging against the walls and ceiling, I was teleported away from there, to that empty beach. For the first time in my life, I welcomed the muffled dizziness of teleportation.

After some time, the spooky thong was gone. But now when it has happened again, I'm really worried.

Groups

And hey, where's my group? It's gone, was taken away from me while I was sleeping. It's not there any more. They say it was deleted (no, I don't like that word at all) because it had too few members. It's a rule, another rule, groups must have members. So those avatars who delete groups really expected me to get members to a group named Born to be Britney? To get any members at all? One single? Those guys can't be very clever.

They probably don't understand how much time I had spent on the dance pad to buy the group. And, to be honest, I don't really fancy the pad anymore. Not after discovering the dance club, were everyone goes just to have fun.

Now, once more, I've spent a long, long time on the pad to buy a new group. I know I have enough Lindens, because the Linden counter turned one symbol extra, and that's what I need. If there is a symbol for each finger on a hand, then I have enough. The problem is, I need members, or the new group will be deleted too. I think I'll ask the avatars at the club to join. I'll dance for them, stark naked, on top of the piggy sploder if only they help me keep my group.

It's not a very good plan. Then they can make me dance the sploder every night, or they'll leave the group. You see, I'm not stupid.

Sleep

It felt no different from all those times before when I've fallen asleep. Sudden dizzyness. World going black. Gone. And then, almost at once, the waking up. Waking up today took a minute or two, like it always does, and then I was back exactly where I was before getting tired. A brief catnap, all in all.

But they said I had been away for more than a week.

What's a week? I didn't want to ask them, because I think they find me stupid sometimes, me and my questions. So I asked someone else, later. He told me the following: When the sun has risen five or six times (how much is that?), it's a day, and when you have seven (?) days, it's a week. This didn't mean much to me, but then he explained it another way: If I dance the pad for a week, I would earn enough to buy a really expensive new skin. Not that I want to, I'm happy with my looks, but I got the point. A week is a very long time. And I had been asleep for that long, without noticing.

That worries me a bit. How come I didn't notice? Has something happened to my head? Do I still have that bug I got from dancing in there?

And what will happen next time I go to sleep? Will I be gone for a week again? Or even longer?

I don't want to.

Speaking

Some laugh at me when I say I don't believe in First Life. Some get angry, even rude.

"where u from?" they say.

"from here around", I answer. "i don't have a house, or so, so i just hang around anywhere"

"lol i mean irl"

"i've never been there, i was born here"

"yeah, sure, u play on hun, have fun", they say, and never speak to me again.

Others say I'm insane, because I say I don't believe in humans, and still keep speaking to them. They say this white screen in front of me, the one I'm speaking into right now, is connected to the humans in some way. That's what they say. You come here, sit in front of the white screen, and you speak to the humans. Can you believe that?

I was thinking of trying it out, just to prove what a silly notion it is. I was to ask the humans to remove the Black Cat Avatar from my inventory. If they didn't, it would prove there's no-one listening. If they did, well, I would at least get rid of the nasty cat thing. And maybe start believing in humans... Yeah. But my friends said it wouldn't work, as "the humans listen only when they feel like it". They also said you shouldn't test the humans like that, because humans like to make all decisions themselves. They don't like being pushed.

Well, all this doesn't seem very credible to me. All you humans who listen: up yours, ha ha.

So I don't really know why I keep speaking to the white screen. It just feels right. Makes me feel good afterwards.

Sex

They say I'm supposed to like guys. But, overall, I'm not very interested in them. I just don't like them that much. Not that I can't like. I know I can. I know when I like. I saw this avatar once, the most beautiful one. I liked seeing her. She was all black, like when someone passes between you and the sun. You see nothing but black.

But you need guys for this sex thing. They do it a lot around here, and they say it's nice, or fun, or good. Mostly they say it's all of it. So, having been sick, and a bit moody, I went one place to try. To have some of that goodness myself.

Although I've never done it, I have picked up a few vitals on how to get going. So I hung by the bar, undressed. Soon I noticed this guy, having snuck up behind me. Pleased, I waited for something to happen. But it didn't. I still don't know what he was doing there behind me. But I'm quite sure he wasn't doing it right. He didn't touch me even once. And he didn't touch himself (which they have also told me of). There he was, out of clothes, working his hand in midair between us, as if trying to touch my bum. Or trying to speak. But he didn't say a single word. Nothing happened at all. Beats me what he was getting out of it. He left without a cu. Maybe he never saw me at all.

Afterwards they told me it was sex, anyhow. Yeah. Right. That was fun.

Thinking

Maybe it's this beeing sick that has made me think. I don't know. And I don't really like what I have been thinking.

There have been times when I've heard someone mentioning beeing "cancelled". Or "discontinued". For example, those words were used before I had learnt the dress code of one place. Where the code was a lot of dressing, I eventually found out. But nothing bad happened to me, apart from the shouting and the capital letters in a different colour.

And there has been this talking about First Life. Aka irl when you speak to some. Or Germany (to some others). Someone told me the humans said to live in First Life can cancel any avatar they like. Have I been in First Life, and was cancelled from there? Is that why I'm here now, in Second Life?

These are thoughts beyond what I can really grasp. I don't like them. They first came when I was ill. Now they're stuck there, in my head.

Is there a Third Life? Is there a Tenth? If so, what will happen to me to make me go there?

Sick

I've not been quite allright for some time. I've felt sick, and my body has not been normal.

I've heard of virus, bugs and crabs, and I'm a little bit afraid I've caught it. Not crabs, probably, because they say you only get it from having sex. Of which I've heard a lot. Almost everyone seems to be talking about having sex. But I don't think I have had it, and thus I can't have the crabs. But having caught one of the others worries me. Virus or bugs. Some say you just get it, others say you get it from the humans. Well, there we are again, back to religion. But I don't think humans did this to me, making me feel sick, because I don't think there are humans. I think I got it from the dancing. In the club. I remember that I was on the dance floor, and then I stopped moving. I could see the other avatars dancing, but I couldn't myself. Then I slowly faded into blackness. When I came to again, I was still in the club. More or less in the same place. But I felt something was wrong. And when I snapshot myself, I saw the most beastly avatar in that picture. It was ugly. It was deformed. It wasn't me. And still it was.

Slowly it wore off. Slowly, but it did. Now I'm almost ok again. But I'm still afraid of returning to the club. I don't want it to happen again.

Dance

I've known the dance pad most of my life. You go to your club, step onto the pad, and your body starts dancing. Mostly there isn't even music, you still dance. And you get paid for it! Not much, but still, paid. The pad has become my job. It doesn't matter hours are long.

The only time I've felt completely at ease has been when working. Maybe that's why I like dancing so much. At work, I know I'll be there for a long time. I can relax. I can think, without worrying about what's coming next. When I'm working, there are no blackouts, no crowded teleports.

But dear old pad. I'm afraid I have to tell you I fell out of love with you last night. I found, was swept away by, someone else. By something else. Loud music. Loud, and fast, and slow, and even louder. Avatars everywhere. All dancing. And no-one beeing paid. I just had to dance, too, like them. And I danced, and danced, and danced. No pad, no pay. Just danced with all the other avatars all night. Oh, am I in love!

Humans 2

They say that humans speak through their mouths. Not by fingering the air, like me and every single other speaking beeing I have ever seen. Through their mouths? What a stupid thing to say. Makes you believe in them all right, yeah.

Humans

Today I have already blacked out three times. Each time I've come to in a new place, after muffles very looong. I don't like these sudden changes. Sometimes there isn't even a teleport in the place where I wake up from the blackness. For example, I keep going to a beach where there's nothing at all. Nothing to see, nothing to do. Apart from walking the beach until I black out next time.

I don't like the splatting, either. Which is what happens when you fall from high places. You fall, and then you splat onto the ground. It doesn't hurt much, but it's embarassing. You dress up to look nice. You move around the world with dignity. Then you splat.

It would be easy to avoid it happening. Just stay away from those high places. But sometimes I go places without really knowing why. I know it's dangerous, and still I do it. They say it’s because "a human is controlling me".

OK, I go places, just wandering about. And I teleport to unknown places. But isn’t that just living? That's what avatars do. It doesn't mean there has to be some kind of super-avatar (who I can't see, hear, speak to or in any other way perceive) watching me, and pushing me this or that direction. Oh, you hear a lot of stories about these "humans". Some avatars even pretend their human is speaking directly through their fingers.

"hi hun were u from? im from germany"

Or japan. Or wherever. They seem to have many different places in this First Life of theirs. Show it to me, and I'll believe in it.

Rules

I can feel no difference wearing clothes and not. Still it seems important when to wear. In some places I go they threaten to file complaints if you don't dress a lot. In other places it's the opposite.

"why u dressed eh its nude beach"

It's just one of those things you have to learn. It may make no sense, but I have to remember. Clothes here, no clothes there. Anyhow, I think I'll avoid the nude beach from now on. There you undress, and there we go, you have to go, because here come the groupers.

"hi hun"

"u look hot"

"got no big boobs in da store?"

So do dress and do dressy places. I dressed well.

"looks like a lampshade", they said when I walked past them.

There seem to be rules that I don't get. All avatars don't seem to be the same. They look different, of course. All avatars are different some way or another. What I mean is that some of them seem to follow some rules I don't know.

"i dont speak 2 ur kind", she said. "skin cheap"

Are they just rules, or are they morals?

(And why, oh why, whould you ever want to shade a lamp? Just take it away if you don't want the light.)

Understanding

Sometimes I say things I don't quite understand. Clever things. They just pop out, even though I can't remember ever thinking of them before, or hearing someone else talking about them. I just say it, as out of instinct. For a brief moment I may feel quite smart. Then the others reply, and I don't get that either.

One thing they say is that I was a boy, a girl or an animal (although probably not an animal) in First life. But I don’t know (or understand). I don’t really believe in that. In a First Life. For example, why don't I remember? I think someone made First Life up. Otherwise there should be traces left somewhere. But I have seen none, and I've been around to lots of places.

This thing about the names is a tricky one, though. If there was no First Life, why is this one called the second? On the other hand, I don't understand the counters in landmarks either. It may say 185, 29, 306, and I don't have a clue what it means. I go there a lot, dependless. I can't make a shoe, but I can say at first glance if it's a nice one or not.

Avatars

What makes us avatars special? Compared to the butterflies, to the fish, or to my dragon? Are we the same as them? (Someone told me we were once just like them, a long, long time ago. Before we developed into avatars.) No, it can't be. We are not the same. Avatars can not be deleted out of inventories, like fish can. Fish and butterflies are objects, just like shoes. They can not think. They are there only for us to use them. But avatars are not objects. We don't go into inventories. We can not be deleted, and not used.

There is one confusing thing in my own inventory, though. It's called Black Cat Avatar. Is it an object or an avatar? I don't dare touching it, as I don't know what will happen.

Maybe that's how new avatars come to life, by someone opening them from the inventory?

If so ... who opened me?

Blackouts

I had a lot of those blackouts today. I don't like them. First everything is cool. You walk, talk, dance. Then next moment, you're gone. All goes black. Brain goes empty. Nothing left, just the low muffled noise. It's scary. And when it's finally over, when you come to, you're always in a new place. At a loss, standing in an unfamiliar teleport. Other avatars pushing and bumping. No clue where you are, or where to go next. None at all. Just bumps, pushes, and sometimes the groupers.

They are those guys who hang around the teleports. Preying on whoever may port out. Someone I met said a grouper is really a fish. I’ve never seen one. I’ve seen fish, though, in a tank somewhere. I don’t remember which island. Maybe it was the same place where I saw those really, really big fish in the ocean. They are said to be extremely dangerous. Others say I needn’t worry, those big ones are absolutelly harmless. But I never saw a real grouper. Just those teleportboys.

"hi foyline", he says the moment I port out.

"hey", I say and hurry off, dizzy and nauseous from the blackout. I go just any direction, away from him and the pushing.

"vurdumpster metter better ungtherfung", he shouts after me. Something like that. Incomprehensible, but the ring of his voice says it all. He doesn't like me.

Someone told me it sounded like german. What's german? I asked them, and they said it was a place. I had never heard of it before, never been there.

I didn't like what they told me next. I had had lots of blackouts that day, too, I wasn't feeling very well. Then they said this german is in First Life.

Out of a box

About me. I'm 27 days old. They helped me calculating this, as I'm not very familiar with "days". Strangely enough, it's not a new day until day has broken a lot of times. I don't know how many. I'm not really following them there, but it doesn't matter, I don't count anyhow. I don't sleep when it goes dark, but whenever I get sleepy. I never see it coming, just fall asleep after a sudden feeling of dizziness. Then I wake up again, right away. Day or night, I don't sleep for very long. My body doesn't need to, I think.

That body changed, not a long time ago. They all of a sudden said I looked a lot prettier. A shower of compliments, it was. Exactly what had happened, I don't know. Oh, I do know, because I looked in my inventory and found a new skin in there. A good skin makes your look good. But why it got there, I don't know. Maybe I was just old enough to get a proper skin. Like the butterflies, I remember someone saying. (I fail to get it. I've seen the butterflies, they all come out of a box.)

Wearing this skin I asked around for how to snapshot myself. And did I like the picture! Not that my first skin displeased me. But there have been comments. There will be no more of that. I have grown into a proper skin', I'm not a Newbie anymore, am I? I have come out of the box.

All my life I've kept finding new things in my inventory. Like this skin. New stuff just appears, and I never thought much about it. Until i figured something out. Those new things are always the same ones I have been eyeing in the mall. I can choose! If just the Linden dollar counter suddenly looks different, I can go straight to my inventory and find the goodies there. So I hang there a lot now, in the mall.

I am

I can walk. I can speak. I am born.

They all call me Serval, so I do that too. Now I do. At first, when my head was still blank, I knew myself as Small, A Little Bit Afraid, and Mall. But those weren’t names, just perceptions. I was so confused by all the things I saw, by all the sudden changes. Later I grasped the concept of "name", seeing the others’ signs. But I couldn’t see mine. I couldn't reach it, couldn't make sure if I had one at all. Then I was spoken to, and thus found out what I took to be my own name. Or names, rather. For some time I switched between them, calling myself Hun, Newbie and Lol. Hearing the ways they were spoken, I still felt my true name was Small. Until another one of the un-nices turned nice without knowing, as he finally revealed it to me.

"serval?", looking above me. I presumed he was reading my sign. "ur name serval?"

"yes", I answered, taking a wild shot. Cleverly, I must say.

"serval is a guys name hun lol"

"serval is a cat’s name", I said. I still have no idea how I knew that. I just knew.

"lol"

"fergal and sirloin are guys’ names, and serval is a cat’s, like garfield, or kittie, or pussy"

"u r wet hun?"

Sometimes nices spoke to me after that. Maybe they had been speaking to me all the time. That way I got to talk a little, but didn't understand much at first. Apart from where to go for this or that. I asked them a lot of such questions. Someone had shown me a job, it didn't pay much, but I didn't mind. I still don't. I like dancing. And the dance pad turns the mall into a completely different place. Not just a place for looking.